The Yoga Of Music: February 2017

Once in a while you meet someone so magical, so powerful, so truly "cause awakened," that it throws you through a loop, and rather than this person empowering your genius, it turns your world upside down. You become absolutely blinded by their lighthouse beam, crashing into yourself, losing all your focus, rather than be guided by their light.

Silly, I know, and when a person like that who you thought was so invincible, so utterly capable of saving the entire universe, proves himself just a broken human like the rest of us; it destroys your faith, and you are faced with having to reforge it all again, this time on your own two feet. Perhaps that was the purpose it served all along, to get you to do it for yourself, fed from a source more eternal than the finicky whims of any one human. Superman isn’t coming and no one can lift our veils. We are the Ones we’ve been waiting for. This is a story about the journey of how I lost myself completely and how in losing myself, I found everything.

Chapter 1

Big Boat

It's true. Peter was our mega musical hero. One we held high on hoisted shoulders. He was leading a movement of Merry Mischief Makers and was the Pan Piper with winged Cape and buzzing Kazoos awakening the land for all to come alive with Love. Yes, he was the master magician, wordsmith-craftsman, teacher of riddles, and his biggest magic trick of all was getting us all to believe again. I have been a part of these types of movements before, but this one was somehow special.

When a little boy thinks he's superman then he almost can, he almost can fly. So close to dreams, so far from trials and I'm that little boy again every once in a while. And the world really is magic. Nothing could be clearer, nothing could be clearer. So Close To Dreams; NM

He was born out of his own plight from having lost everything himself and in his rebirth emerged a whole HOST of Bodhisattvas along with him. It was never as BIG as he wanted it to be, but those of us on board were all in and we became a family, and it was Magic. We believed that we could fight all the monsters of fathomless oppression, all those Fat Devil Kings of Gods, and that we could emerge triumphantly. We believed he could take us all forever to NeverLand and that we would take everyone in the world along with us in that beautiful fold. And for a long time we were Victorious and Winning. So many accomplished artists, musicians, and victors of all kinds joined us. All the countless numerous treasures of the heart we were accumulating, we shared with him, to make him proud, and to encourage one another to keep going Furthur, uniting the land. Peter was a mentor to so many of us. And I loved this family as much as my very own; I had found real meaning there. It's true, he shook us all awake, rallied up all the troops, and then cut us all loose...

When we last left the story our hero was returning home safe from a great adventure.
One that saw him sailing over all seven oceans and even slaying a mighty monster.
When we left he was sitting in a field of wild flowers without toil or care.
Now would you be surprised if, after all this time, we find our hero still sitting there?
In his Silly cape and his silly tights...
No escape, nothing to fight.
People pass. People stop and stare.
Our hero's just a man
in his underwear...
Let's skip to the end, the last chapter of our story, for the sake of time and the fun skipping can be.
Leaning on his fated cane, knowing the sunshine makes the rain, our hero he is old and sometimes happy.
There's magic in the mundane moon on the wane and an owl sounding somewhere in the darkness.
Next time we are together you must remind me to tell you of how our hero came to be referred to as "your heinous" Where We Were; NM

Yes, eventually there came a time where he seemed only tired of it all. Perhaps he proved what he set out to, and it was only my own miscalculation of expectations that needed gauging. What I do know for certain is that somewhere along the way the pressure of the faith all us lost boys had in him seemed to have become somewhat oppressive to Peter. Perhaps in some ways it was becoming oppressive to all of us as well. Peter was the glue and he was ungluing himself. For those of us willing to face it with eyes wide open, it hurt, alot. It came to the point that I began to question him. This only made things worse.

Looking back I understand that he no longer wanted to be the head of anyone’s charge. He didn’t want to be held high on a pedestal, bound to fall, or worse, become the very thing we were fighting against. But it took time for me to have compassion to see that clearly for what it was. For a while, all I could see was that "he was so mean, that he was throwing it all away, chasing us all away the same way that someone would chase away a dog, and I was devastated. I felt robbed of our momentum." Some of this was even true, and kindness is a thing we all need to work much, MUCH more on, but with Peter, he is driven by an instinctual force that moves through him, that he listens to, without feeling a need for explanation, and often times it is done with merciless abandon.

I hopped on like a freight train. I jumped in like a pool.
Tagged along like a best friend. Followed you around like a fool...
Now here I am alone for sure, banging my head upon your door. The lights are on, but no one's home I can't take this any more.
Thought you were my loving one, but you weren't even my friend. I'm out here huffing and a puffin trying to blow this brick house in.
I signed on like a soldier who never thought we'd go to war. If you didn't want to love me then what did you love me like that for.
All my friends tried to warn me. Said I was heading for a fall. Flashing lights and flags of caution. I rode right past them all. Huffin and Puffin; NM

As someone whose method is all about compassionate dialogue, it became painful for me to stay around. The more I poured love into it, wanting to talk it out, wanting to understand, the more it seemed to only oppress him. Love was losing, so I had to go. I was drowning in a nasty, stubborn narrative, untrue of the dignity of who I was or of what we were trying to accomplish. So I ran away.

There was a time where even the other super sheroes and heroes in our tribe brought me only pain. I needed to reprogram myself to keep winning for love, to keep the fierce lioness struggle for myself and for humanity alive, but from my own center. It could no longer be FOR anyone anymore, not for Peter, not from a place of needing his paternal validation but for love itself. So I couldn't bear to be around anyone who reminded me of that kindred bloodline which now only brought feelings of diminishment and sorrow. So I broke free… leaving that whole family behind…

It's probably now that I need you the most

When I'm one half child and the other ghost

And one of 'em wants to pull you close and the other to let you go...

Well there's nothing so wrong that what's right can't fix

Despite how blood and water mix and when a pony runs out of tricks and his work has just begun

Now lord, duty bade me fight Just a lonely impulse of delight
and balancing had brought to mind

The years to come, the years behind Will I grow weary of the sun, remembering what I have done with old mythologies?...
Solomon sang Sheba's grace and he kissed her soft and sulking face

If one of us has to leave this place, will the other come along?

We been on the round and round Shared our kisses by the pound and chased our shadows on the ground Spilled our cups in China town Put up the moon, took down the sun Played our songs for everyone Remembering what we had done with old mythologies

You gotta choose You wanted the song to rescue us Aimee, what did you leave for us? So we could get home Old Mythologies; Barr Brothers

Cut Loose

Cut loose, I was a cast away… adrift… floating…

All my heroes… now only ghosts….

Disillusioned, I was living in a ghost town and I was a Ghost child… not even a holy ghost, just a shadow of someone I had once been. Even looking for any glimpse of hope, felt like a betrayal to my heart, and so all hope turned to ashes. I fell hard. In falling, I fell on my face, to the lowest depths of hell and made the mistake of drinking from the River of Doubt. It consumed me till I knew all was lost. But I was unafraid. I was a Lost boy.

I let the poison take effect and I let myself go there. I inhabited this place for a long time. It was a necessary and purposeful doubt, the kind of disillusioned seeking that sets you straight towards something real.

“I've lost my mind...

I've lost my way...

I'm bound to lose...

You wonder where I am”

Phish; Frankie Sez

NeverLand

In bitter department, searching for some footing, eventually I found myself back at an old home place. I walked through a gate beyond a Great Wood. There I came to a "Mountain where the people come to pray." It was there that I felt held, more than I had in a long time. Raw in my sadness, as a Ghost child, I lingered in my sadness letting that sadness fill me perfectly so. It was a pure feeling of longing, for home, for return. It was there that I offered myself completely to the sensation of longing like a Wolf Mother's lonely desperate howl

for her wolflings~

I wasn’t going to waste any time. I was ready, and I knew what I had to do. I stuck out my thumb and in true “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” fashion, I emitted the signal.

Just like that, it came. It came floating down from the sky. It didn’t take long at all. The music rose. It was so clear. I saw it float past me, circle around, and I Saw it Again. It was luminous and invisible to others eyes, but so real to me. A luminous, beautiful space oddity, it reminded me of La Stella Puimata from a Japaname series I used to watch as a child. A giant, massive floating pirate ship.

This was a bonafide shamanic vision I had at the Phish show that night, one I had written about when I got home that summer night. They played Ghost into Light, an acapella Space Oddity during which they lost power, they played an I Saw it Again, I am The Walrus, and I was not surprised when months later "Big Boat" was in fact released with this image as it’s engram! We don't influence music so much as we surrender, and become it.

Indeed, Big Boat had come to scoop me up in my time of need. I had beckoned it so pure in my deep sadness, so desperate and alone. When I gave the shaman wolf mother’s howl the massive pirate ship came, invoked by that unobstructed call. What was even more real than seeing it, was the feeling of being on it. Eddie Cabbage, writer and my friend, was the only other traveller on Big Boat with me. Physically he was in California, travelling and writing his Hobo-Poet wanderlust heart out, cut loose from his own tribe, but clear as day, undoubtedly, his strong presence was on that ship with me. I can't explain it. But I've learned to listen. We were experiencing something in parallel.

I was wearing my navy blue captain's jacket, which was missing several buttons, and my red cape was flapping gently in the wind along with my long red wildling hair. I took my seat at the front of the bow of the Boat and as we rose up high over the heads of the people dancing happily below, my legs dangled off the edge. It was a very significant moment in my journey. My heart was aching, but there I sat perfectly floating, rising up, happy to be held. Something broke open in me and Crystalline tears began falling down far below, falling perfectly. I became child-like and allowed all the sensations to swell at once, all the feelings of abandonment, of deep sadness for what I had lost. I wept. Sheer gratitude also filled me, to be so loved and held by this Giant Ship. As those great currents swelled a string broke and half of the power went out in the amplitheatre below, in real time, during Wolf Man's Brother. It was so right. Allowing myself to be taken in, feeling defeated but so ready to go home, crying we sailed.

"I'm Crying, I'm CRRRYYYYYYINGGG, I'm Crying"~ Trey's voice rang out during "I Am the Walrus"...Wahlrus... Egg man... l'oeuf.. Love~ the song bared new meaning for me... the transforming of all the wrongs in man's world, by infusing the wisdom of the divine feminine to heal, using Egg wisdom, French for Egg is l'oeuf = love. Love defies everyone...

That feeling. It was the moment I had truly let go of Peter. It was distinct and without bitter resentment, but it was bittersweet. I ached, only wishing that my love had been stronger . It was right though. It was peaceful. It was the moment that Grace had found me, and I had let her in. It was the moment I was ready to come back home from my mission, albeit a failure.

The ship rose higher and higher drifting into the expanse of space. It was perfectly eerie. The music helped us lift off, but soon it got VERY quiet and all sound faded away too. It was like all color and sound was being sucked up by a giant vacuum as we sailed into the blackest of nights. It was the vacuum of space, Soon Cabbage was gone too. For this is a journey every traveller must make alone. The wispy white clouds and occasional sparkling stars were a distant memory as the ship sailed into a rich envelop of black. It felt so right. The nothingness was all I longed for and soon it surrounded me absorbing me too. It’s where everything existing in the Land of Being draws from. It is the Land of Becoming. It is NeverLand.

Mary, You would not be the woman that you are

If someone could mend your troubled heart

That would be easier but that would be wrong...

People, Want Love but have little for themselves

They pray for a stranger to lift their veil

That would be everyone That would be us

Oh, Let me hear Music, Like you hear Music, Like you were just Born...

Children, Light would never keep us from itself It bends to our window

We weep and yell

But you are a daughter You are a son Let There Be horses; The Barr Brothers

The Work

What happened next was nothing fast and furious, nor exciting. No. It was a slow journey filled with Silence. I was alone. I had arrived, alone. And alone I anchored to the shores of NeverLand. I was home.

It was here that I learned NeverLand is not some mythical place but a very real realm existing in the vast expanse of our hearts. It is the point we arrive when we lose everything. It's where we begin on our own two feet, the right way. It is the Realm where Boundless Faith is born. It’s the center of the universe where Micro-cosm and Macro-cosm fuse. It's a Mother with warm milk and honey. It’s the ground of becoming where the power of manifestation resides. It’s the Wish granting Jewel. It's what Nichiren Daishonin inscribed in sumi ink on the gohonzon and what all great sages, prophets, and Buddhas describe in one understanding or another. It's letting go and it's the lesson that rips your attachments into a million pieces until there is nothing left, which gets you there.

It was in residing there for a long time, that I learned the Alchemy of how to transform all pain to love, not just for my own self, but so that all others could cross onto NeverLand's transformative shores too. Out of the deep desire for others to know such freedom, such peace and tranquility, this infinite CAPACITY to do this, was born. A strong anchored center had to first be forged. This is how I learned the secret of how to hold such space for others, by holding ALL of Space and Time itself, with Love.

The shoulder that I leaned on was carved out of stone

But when I'm done freezing I want to be alone...

Left is where I always turn

Left is how I'm forced to learn

Left the route my walking takes

Left alone with my mistakes

Up against the person who

Up 'til now I never knew

Up from hell the answer blew

Up or down it's up to you...

I come unglued while in midair and land to reform Limb by Limb; Phish

Day in and day out, I began to build a cleaver nest on NeverLand. My body belonged in the material world, working there, but my heart was anchored to that clever nest of that rich inner world residing in that empty expanse. NeverLand became my heart’s resident and I became its. And for a long time I rested and nourished myself there, repairing my heart, and building up my capacity anew. Learning, seeing the world through new eyes, listening with new ears, empowering to all that wisdom of how to transform everywhere into love, by first transforming myself. I learned a song there that helped me stay tapped in to my nest. It was handed down from Shakyamuni himself and was a super highway connection to NeverLand anytime I felt my center waiver. The vibration of the ancient words that song created, expanded me very rapidly and aligned all my molecules with... vast capacity.

“Nam Myoho Renge Kyo”~

I noted that staying anchored to NeverLand involved a serious battle against arrogance. When I fell into a state of being, where I felt threatened by others, competitive, or saw others as inferior-even if I did this unconsciously, I could not remain expansive enough to stay anchored to NeverLand because in a subtle way, it was a violent tendency that severed oneness. I was terrified of losing that connection, so I turned to ancient texts...

The Buddha described the wise learning realms that come right before the powerful Compassionate "Bodhisattva" realms as being known as the “Voice Hearer” and “Cause Awakened” realms, and stated that indeed the hindrance to overcome in these realms is arrogance, elitism, and even the harboring of contempt for others- perceived as less wise. Arrogance often comes with the accumulation of wisdom. This competitiveness and comparing myself with others, was me still being caught up in the lie of hierarchy which tramples on the dignity of others. It was subtle, and only tremendous self awareness could catch this, but it needed to be discarded.

Only genuine love opens the door, because love is a vibration of oneness. "Bodhisattva-hood" is a state of embodied love and compassion. When we embody "Bodhisattva", we are able to transform the Earth out of a deep desire to help all others become free and expansive too. Therefore, it is through Boundless Wisdom and Love that the Bodhisattva State is both born and sustained to uplift humanity. Absolutely Everyone has the power to open to this state, as it is always dwelling within all life, but it takes work as well as practice.

Everyday the Sun and the Wind in NeverLand would whisper: "Wake up like a Dog does to do your practice~ Not lazy like a cat~" and then quickly, "no offense to cats!"

I learned that this type of practice was in no way linear. Ha!! If only this were true! Once a state of boundless compassion is attained, it does not remain fixed. No, unfortunately it is a very SLippery and Oscilating state of being, in which at any moment, without diligence and self awareness, we can fall back into ignorance, arrogance, suffering, and limitations.

One powerful teacher I met in NeverLand was named Jen Ward. She taught me so much and told me "Think of consciousness like a pond that keeps refreezing, which we continuously have to re-pierce the surface of again and again with a Sword of Truth and flame of Compassion." It is a daily practice indeed, if not moment to moment! These are a Bodhisattvas weapon and torch for the mind and heart!

It also helped me to think of our learned habits like the grooves of a record, being the same as the deep grooves formed in our brain's gray matter by electrical impulses firing off. These impulses reinforce our learned tendencies, which play the song of our trajectory which we are currently on. That's all that "karma" is. When we float along, asleep as a mere cog on the wheel of conditioning, not awake, we become a mere victim of circumstance of that conditioning, tossed and pummeled about by life. We have been so programmed by hierarchy that these grooves which often cause us much suffering and blindness are quite deep, and therefore have us feeling powerless.

The most beautiful thing about all life though is our ability to learn! To change our lives, change our trajectory, change our karma, to transform! This is the beautiful alchemy. We can EASILY change these habits, our disposition, our tendencies, when we are awake! But it takes dedication to stay awake, to reprogram ourselves. This is how we can alter and shift our patterns. This is what constant learning does, it creates new electrical impulses, to make NEW grooves, which makes new pathways so we can make a NEW soundtrack to our life! A joyful one brimming with unlimited human happiness! And it creates the very music of uplifting not just ourselves, but all of humanity, because consciousness is contagious! This is why we must wake up and determine to do our practice every day.

The formula that most helped me maintain a wakeful life state was threefold, consisting of: Practice + Study + Faith

Practice consisted of doing daily alignment measures (like chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo~ using sound vibration, singing, any of the branches of yoga, breath practice, eating clean chi-brightening foods, anything that served to help me keep OPEN, to become expansive)This also included Self-awareness practice which had me deeply processing energetic subtle interactions and intentions in all moments, like a walking-living-meditation in efforts to check arrogance and to transform imbalances with love.
Study pertained to the actual reading of sacred texts that master teachers have similarly left behind, like a trail of breadcrumbs. Also working with live master teachers whose wisdom was beyond my own (once arrogance is lessened, one will know when they read, hear, or interact with the right teacher they've summoned)
Faith corresponded to Fierce Determination, Trust and Dedication to the process- especially when obstacles tested my conviction of our capabilities! Obstacles are mere tests of strength which serve to polish us of our faith!

*The comic books detailing Dr. Strange, albeit fantastical and exaggerated, are not that far off from the truth! In our expansion, not only are impossible transformations possible, but we begin to also form a network of protection for the Earth and all beings, through love.

It was with this practice of trying to stay awake and anchored to NeverLand that I "created new grooves." I accumulated boundless capacity in a relatively short amount of time through my dedicated efforts. Then came the notion, "What more can I do with this?"

Chapter 2

Supershewrote

For one, I started diving into Syrian Refugee work. After months of buying train tickets, sponsoring numerous drives in my area, collecting countless baby carriers and donations for a local Muslim organization, called “Helping Hand,” to be shipped to camps in Jordan, Lebanon, and Turkey, and working with my contact Kayra Martinez, a retired American Airlines hostess who has dedicated her life to Syrian refugee work in Europe; the hard Work started to become effortless. The more I was practicing my new found gifts weaving it into the action, the more the power in me of the Alchemy of transforming poison to Medicine with love, became stronger. As I held strong visuals of healing and poured my energy, alignment prayers via chanting, and action into this cause, joining so many others who were doing the same, something worldwide started happening in parallel! The Volunteer efforts of so many ordinary individuals were truly stepping up and UPLIFTING so many families who escaped war, with only the clothes on their backs! The acts of courageous everyday sheroes and heroes were the saving GRACE of the Refugee Crisis, and Real Change was manifesting and transforming people’s lives!

*This blog is free for anyone to read but if you can, please consider making a $5 + donation to “Love Without Borders" , another initiative Kayra inspired, as payment for this little novella. She works tirelessly with several volunteer initiatives, and has brought housing, comfort, art, music, safe passage, food, shelter, and HOPE to Thousands of refugee families in camps and through-ought Europe. Thank you.

Starting with Family

All our idealism means shit if we don't care about the actual real people in our lives that we interact with on the day to day basis, on the interpersonal level. So, ongoing to the Syrian Refugee work, I began to realize that the real place to start was within my household. With a sincere and dedicated practice of aligning with a trajectory of harmony, unity, health, happiness, and peace within my own family, my relationship with Booty (my partner), my two incredible daughters, and my loving mom and dad- who live nearby, had become stronger than it had ever been. Booty and I have a dream one we have worked on together for nearly 20 years. The life we've built and keep building, the incredible memories we've shared with friends, music, family, the way we encourage each other to keep learning and pursue all of our dreams, the brave explorations and expeditions we have shared together and forged apart, is nothing short of absolutely exponential! He is all science, math, and programming, and I am all philosophy, Mysticism, Art, and movement. Somewhere in the middle, is our connection through music. That and our shared sense of humor. Between spending time with and teaching the kids, their Montessori school, our pets, managing our houses, all the yoga classes and workshops I teach, the classes he teaches, his work, his side projects, the conferences he goes to, the speaking events we both partake in, my Buddhism, my environmental activism, my writing, the dedicated music events we host at our home and others we partake in with friends and family, and the collaborative communities we have helped form and continue to form together; it’s just an endlessly beautiful journey and juggling act.
My new forged practice was helping to expand that dream's capacity ever more greatly with a genuine care and appreciation for the dignity of the lives of those around me on the interpersonal level.

If anyone has encouraged me that I should follow my dreams, it is Booty. People ask me how we are so independent and why we don’t get jealous. People sometimes even make insinuating comments when we aren't stuck together at the hip. We have been together a very long time and have been through a lot, and often at events we can be found wandering separately, following our unique calls. But we always come back together. I believe that the only way to really grow and learn, is when people take time apart from a herd. He is my best friend, but we are both very independent. I don't think either of us could be any other way. We empower eachother's genius.

Yes, I see the beauty in this Pirate treasure tale of NeverLand shenanigans that “Booty” being my counterpart is deliciously perfect. He is a real treasure trove of brilliance. And our resplendent girls are the real jeweled treasures of my heart. The reason why uplifting humanity has DRIVEN me so is because of my family. And we can thank the vision and insight of one boy named Brad Barr for Booty’s nickname! :)

Musical Shamanism

I have practiced the Yoga of Music, or self-taught shamanic dancing, for a long time.
Now my abilities were stronger. I wasn't entirely sure that I really wanted to plunge myself too deep into this world right now, but this work has and always will be a part of me... The shamanic dancer infuses music to create healing and transformation;

much like our native ancestors used drumming and dance to open the gates of the spirit world. Surely the benefit, in which the sound shamans open, is that this work can plant many seeds of wisdom received in that expansive soundscape, by the listener, even when participation is lacking by them. We learn by contagious osmosis as these seeds infuse in the music vibrations themselves, which then resonate in the hearts of the listener in a very psychic way.

The type of music I am most drawn to is the kind in which all participants both acknowledge and revere that these epic sessions are a result of the dynamic partnerships between divine masculine and divine feminine energy. This is doubly so when these sessions are held in a space created for freedom and expansiveness to thrive, via places and environments which foster experimentation with the stretching of our glorious, creative selves!

Keyed in musicians, dancers, and participants know they hold the very big job of being both the conduit- to hold space, drawing wisdom from the "NeverLand" macrocosm- and the skilled channel for the purpose of infusing massive planetary LOVE into music, and that this is the key to turning mere “music” into “global healing!" This skill starts by learning to unify and uplift a whole room. Bodhisattva Wonderful Sound and The Gateway of Bodhisattva Perceiver of the World Sounds chapters of the Lotus Sutra discuss this in detail.

Hinderances of this practice needed to be overcome:

Skepticism and denial of our energetic powers caps and puts glass ceilings on our abilities, and is the only thing truly limiting us. This is nothing more than learned, fear driven conditionings, purposefully implemented for the purpose of control through centuries of oppression, persecutions, public executions, and the trauma that came with it. This fear is passed down to us through our DNA, which makes us tentative to let go, and open to our powers.

Fuck your inhibitions~

I thought you were a dancer

So fuck your inhibitions

Here's a better answer

Drown 'em out, out, out.

Here's the sound of starting over

~The Sound of Us Erasing; Rubblebucket

The wisdom of say, how to make it rain, or how to go on vision quests, as our natives knew and recorded was simply erased from history, just as has tried to be done with the occupation of Tibet. Ever wonder why that information is not easily available? Because it gives empowerment back to the people. Faith, learning, and staying awake is necessary to reprogram ourselves, to shed fear, so that we may reclaim this wisdom despite such little guidance remaining. History is His Story, Hysterechtomy... the removal of all feminine divine wisdom from history by casting them as mere hysteria in his story narrative... The TRUTH of our oneness coalesces our empoweremnt when all illusion of hierarchy and separation are discredited and abandoned.

While music shamanism is in fact a part of who I always will be and very healing for all, I was weary from it, for three reasons:

It becomes tiresome since often it is performed in bars and clubs where live music occurs. These venues exude the very essence of the imbalanced world of patriarchy where misogyny is rampant and the worship of only male rock gods reigns supreme. This world is where it is not uncommon for a man to pinch your ass or grab your arm if you are dancing, especially the more open and free you seem. It's like wearing a damn target on your heart. It can be overcome but it can be exhausting to be diminished, and jarring when you are working between worlds in such a vulnerable and open state, only to be shocked back through 30 planes of existence to such a violent vibration! Why is it that something as beautiful as music tends to happen in such volatile environments sometimes? Perhaps those that need it most appear here. I have to believe these individuals are simply starving for truth, thus crashing through my plane of existence to test my abilitiy to administer such truth, allowing me the opportunity to polish my shine... but a test it is.
It's also quite tiresome when there is often no acknowledgement of the true partnerships at play which result in making music "sound cool." I cannot tell you how often the work goes bastardized. While the epic product is always visibly acknowledged ("The band was on fire!") the invisible work is not. Acknowledgement is not the purpose of course, but to deny the undercurrents undermines the effectiveness of the healing, and keeps us in the concrete cell of the 3rd dimension. When reverie is abundant it nourishes the wellspring allowing us to advance more quickly.
In truth, reasons 1. and 2. were just excuses and hindrances that could be easily overcome when my capacity was great. The real reason was that I simply didn't seem to have the capacity when it came to offering my gifts to music at the moment. When I am in, I devote myself completely. There is a lot of trust that must be present to do this work of making music so much more. Consciousness is slippery and I didn't want to fall back into old grooves of losing myself in my devotion to music and those who make it. (Like looking to the finger of the man pointing at the moon, instead of looking to the moon itself!) I was on a quest to anchor myself onto a new trajectory to create a new soundtrack for my life. Music was going to have to wait till I was more steady.

So apart from this ongoing work of being a hidden figure sending men into space, I decided I would chant for a way to challenge my faith more, so I could use my gifts in a newly effective way.

Water is Life

Just a month after I chanted for a bigger way to fulfill my purpose I learned of not 1 but 2 Gas pipelines carrying Fracked Gas being proposed to be paid for by citizens at $8 Billion+ to be trenched through Massachusetts! Go time! This was it! I began networking with Mass 350.Org to shut these proposals down.

Environmentalists and Native Americans all over the globe have been working fervently towards uniting our communities for environmental protection. It is well known that there is a toll of human misery, war, devastation, and climate peril associated with the continuation of fossil fuel dependency, and that we must shift fuel sources to secure peace and planetary sustainability.

With past environmental activist work, my anger and outrage would always leave me feeling exhausted and defeated. But now a joyful steady practice of seeing allies, Buddhas, in every person I met was replacing this "us VS Them" narrative. A miraculous transformation happened in me and we were successful in shutting down both pipelines! The biggest victory however was my ability to make friends with those I once viewed as enemies, to listen to them, and to learn how to even speak their language. It was like I put the Babel fish in my ear (Yes a lot of Hitchhiker’s Guide references) and could speak in a way where politicians could hear me. I did this remembering the words of Sensei, President Ikeda of the Nichiren Buddhist organization SGI:

“We don’t change our environment, WE change, and then our environment transforms."

The secret was genuine empathy and compassion, listening to politician's sincere perspective, fusing with their trajectory while holding VERY STRONG intentional space for those in power to arrive on their own to the holistic benevolent vision of environmental protection and public safety. I then took their talking point values that overlapped with our cause- jobs, economic growth, public safety, first responders- then dug up tons of research that proved a win-win was possible for all our goals, and I turned it into simple messaging which mirrored all their talking points, making our cause one with theirs. Shortly after meetings with them, printed in newspapers were my words being quoted by politicians! Catch phrases like, “Renewable energy is our State Product, and one we must protect.”

This was in no way a journey without GREAT obstacles, but through my Human Revolution, my perspective changed. Therefore my vantage point was suddenly wider and higher in all directions, which allowed me to see where the path of victory was. Through this expansion happening within me, obstacles were easily cleared. Another quote which strengthened my conviction was: “When obstacles arise, the foolish retreat while the wise rejoice!" –The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin. I finally understood what this meant! When tremendous faith and dedicated perseverance is held, even “obstacles” become viewed as opportunities. The proposed fossil fuel project itself, for example, was a blessing in disguise! It had led us to organize, find each other, network with remarkable and knowledgeable individuals who all held the same vision. It empowered us to grow in great numbers in unity, just like what is happening now in our country! The poison WAS medicine in disguise!

Therefore any resistance we faced was only like the WIND in our sails which we learned to utilize to propel us onwards, allowing us to advance further. It is just a matter of learning to sail, unafraid. Those hurting the most will try to block us the most, but they are only drawn to us, because they are STARVING for TRUTH and Compassion. Adversity is only a test of our Courage to administer Truth and Compassion.

“Iron, when heated in the flames and pounded, becomes a fine sword. Worthies and sages are tested by abuse.” –Writings of Nichiren Daishonin.

Thus with vast Bravery, Determination, and Faith on our side, we effectively made historic change in Massachusetts legislation!
7 of the MOST significant of these victories were:

1. On May 17th, 2016(my birthday) the Massachusetts Supreme court Justice ruled in a historic case in favor of a group of children defended by the incredible Conservation Law Foundation, who we had been networking with, who sued the state for not meeting Carbon Goals. This historic ruling would now make legislators more likely to adopt renewables instead of new fossil fuel proposals!

2. One week later on May 23rd one of the proposed $5 Billion fracked gas pipelines pulled its application for construction with the federal govt, stating there was too much risk, and too much opposition!

3. Just days after that, on May 25th, my colleague and I, put together a citizens forum in our town in which all our town boards and citizens attended resulting in 100% pledged support in the form of local officials writing letters to federal officials stating they were against the vision of more fossil fuel infrastructure for our state!

4. By mid-summer, on August 1st, 2016, after endless determined chanting, action, and state wide organizing of pressuring legislators - the OMNIBUS energy bill passed to authorize the largest procurement of renewable energy in the history of the commonwealth of Massachusetts!

5. Days after that on On August 17th, 2016 the most significant blow was that the Supreme Court Justice ruled that it was illegal to make citizens pay for any construction costs associated with the building of private gas pipelines!! This inspired CT, NH, and RI to file and win similar rulings, thus 85% of the funding for this last pipeline‘s construction costs were pulled, effectively killing it!

6. In October at Worcester State University, I was asked to speak at a forum put on by 350.org and gave a full power point presentation about how other towns can join the state-wide grass roots campaign. They asked us to present since Upton was so quick and successful with their victories! Amazing.

7. Just one month later, November 15th, 2016, at one of our yearly Town Meetings, my colleague and I drafted and wrote an official “Resolution of Opposition” to be included in our town’s bylaws, something I never could have imagined doing. We presented a slide show to our entire town, where over 300 people came. We worked tirelessly to get people to come, knocking on doors, making phone calls, gathering signatures outside the post office, using social media, distributing lawn signs, to see this resolution passed; the whole time I chanted furiously. The resolution passed by a landslide! And the relationship now between us environmentalists and our town is the best it’s ever been! Passing a citizen crafted resolution is one of the most empowering forms of grassroots possible.

It is not at all surprising to me that all this work was happening in parallel to our Native American Sioux Dakota Tribe’s movement on Standing Rock Reservation in North Dakota where tribes from around the world gathered in unity to take on a newly forged mission of environmental protection. In a statement by chief elders they stated, "The battle continues, but we are winning!"

In this process I learned that Renewable energy dismantles the lie that there is a scarce amount of power which we must fight and compete over. Scarcity mentality mirrors the archaic model of hierarchy and unworthiness, and is a lie. Renewable energy, on the other hand, mirrors that we are shifting to the understanding that there is an abundance of energy available, likewise there is an abundance of empowerment for all available. We can all win. Just like we can have Job growth + economic growth + a clean environment + public safety, likewise all life is precious = has infinite potential = and is valuable. All beings can become happy, World Peace is attainable, and this shift holds the key! After this empowering experience I knew with conviction that I could not fail when I used my practice to create peace in my family, community, and inevitably in the world!

This is the joyful alchemy of turning poison to medicine, whining to clean water, and water to the land of tranquil light! Mini Wiconi! Water is Life! We will continue and triumph!

Nichiren Daishonin writes: “Just as poisonous compounds are changed into medicine, so these five characters of Myo-ho-renge-kyo change evil into good.”

Was I Ready?

With all these successes, surely I was strong enough to address the only thing in my life which I was still avoiding, Peter. The environmental activism and Syrian refugee work especially had given me tremendous proof of how strong my capabilities had become. So why then could I do all this in less than one year (Heck, mostly spanning one summer!!) with SUPER HUMAN ability, yet my resilient practice crumbled just thinking about how to create resolve with Peter?! I needed to forgive. I needed to have compassion for myself and for Peter. Why couldn't I?

This was the narrative in my heart (listener discretion advised):

I felt like it would have been a respectful ending, if our work was truly over together. There would have remained an unbreakable veneration between all of us, like there was with so many other projects I've worked with over the years. But that's not the Truth! He seemed oppressed by us, he didn't even consider us friends after all we had been through. Was I the fool for believing so seriously and for thinking we were a family? He had moved on and there was none of the esteem between comrades that comes from completion. So I couldn't help feel that he let us all go because he got frustrated with us, and discouraged by it. And that felt unacceptable to my fighting spirit because it meant that we had all failed! That love failed! That I failed to encourage him! Or that I somehow wasn't enough. Being tired from not being seen by the world, from not wanting to "pick peaches for no dollar a day," for not wanting to be puppeteered in the types of venues I just spoke about, the kind where some one grabs your ass for being open, where the immaculate miraculous work gets diminished if seen at all- is all completely understandable!

But we don't give up on the world because it's hard, or even impossible! The seeds we are holding space for are drawn from the world of becoming, they serve to shape the future! Have FAITH!

As the brilliant poet Stanley Gemmell has encouraged me when I felt like giving up and throwing all my work away:

"Never expect anyone that you ever actually meet to understand what you are writing about, you are writing for like 150 years from now!"

And I know how often "the work goes bastardized" by those who lack vision!- me 5 minutes ago. Trust me I KNOW! But he didn't shut out the world, he shut us out. Us!? He just had to know that he didn't have to wreck himself by the extreme of carrying everyone, only then to be crushed by its weight. That it all could have nourished itself in a sustainable way, held by all of us, together instead. If we were really after uplifting the world, healing it with love; we needed to do it together. We need FRIENDS. Not any one person can do this alone, no one is superman in a vacuum. That is the lie of messiahs and "chosen ones" and saviors that has oppressed and plagued humanity for centuries of power struggles. It is one that has kept us from uplifting to our collective empowerment. We need to encourage one another when we fall! We all fuck up, I'm fucking up right now I'm sure! But it's right. The fuck up is right and it's a fine learning vessel in itself! And it helps all of us so much when we share the process and get right back up. And to do this we need to get "back-up" allowing people to back us up! I am a courageous Lion and a fighter and I wanted to know that my love was strong enough to give him the effective encouragement he needed! To not give up on the world or on us, to keep going! To open! To break through his inner fortress! And to give him the FAMILY he gave us.

The architecture itself was the flawed oppressive design. But together we could have regrouped and rebuilt rather than burned it down. Some of the bridges burned had people standing on them, and those people were dangling between worlds, awakening, and now had no ground beneath them.

When there's nobody left in your heart, left in your head

When the whole world has packed up in shadows and left you for dead

When you can't fake a smile and you just can't get out of your bed

When the people you led turn to you looking so hungry and bare

And you were the one that had brought them there and all you can do is just

Stare at your hands and whisper my name The Slip; Life in Disguise

But it's all a learning process. He may never have intendid to lead anyone, he is after all an anarchist of seismic proportions, but we all looked to him, and if anarchy is the undefined goal, to disrupt our habits of looking to anyone to lead us, then authority needs to be replaced with the kind of inner compass that is born from a deep valuing of the life and dignity of all others. Instead, that flawed design, which we were all party to, made us all feel unworthy, that we weren't enough, and therefore fed our need for paternal validation EVEN more, instead of enabling us to stand in our own valued empowerment. That was the architecture that needed changing! Which we all needed to shift towards together.

But we are all "awake with one eye closed to the things in me I see in you." Always Morning In New Orleans; A M i N O ; NM (Amino means group in chemistry, and it's the fusion, or oneness with the group, that allows that other eye to open)

And I will never stop believing in all of it. I will never stop believing that we are powerful enough to create a shift with love for unity, harmony, peace, and interbeing. And I will never stop loving and fighting for friends EVEN when they push everyone away in their pain! He IS our family and Love WAS stronger. It had to be.

Clearly I wasn't ready. I was still not quite seeing that Peter was merely a catalyst of my own awakening, and someone I should be thankful for. I was still oppressing myself and him by holding him higher as someone I "needed" for redemption, not realizing that Peter was merely holding a mirror of a change that needed to happen, and was starting to happen, within myself. I was beginning to see that we needed to shift from a flawed design of giving our power away, to one of empowerment, but still too frustrated and angry to have clarity of how to achieve this first for myself, then for all of us! Similarly I wasn’t able to realize that my hurt feelings were actually the fuel that was propelling me to accomplish impossible achievements on my own! That in a very Darwinian way, the suffering from feeling tossed away was driving an evolution in me to work harder. Was it to prove him wrong about giving up on me or the world? I wouldn't put it past me. But if those were my motives, they too needed to be discarded for true healing and empowerment to take root.

Nichiren Buddhists say that people don’t stumble upon this practice lightly. Usually people come to find this practice after a very painful and difficult circumstance. We say that the pain is an "Expedient Means” that opens the way. There was a lot of confusion surrounding this for me and it was both driving me crazy and driving me to greatness! I was fiercely determined to find a way, to get real respectful resolve however. Why shouldn’t I achieve absolute glorious triumph and peace in all areas of my beautiful life unfolding, not just for myself but for all of us? There had to be a path to victory in all this that encompassed tranquility, and I was determined to find it.

Chapter 3

Lost Boys

Chanting, I planted some seeds for peace and clarity in all areas of my life, especially regarding Peter. Part of the process of holding space to conjure up what we need for healing, though, involves the very important element of surrender, in order to tactfully understand when the moment is ripe for action. And timing and patience was something that I struggled with.

I waited and chanted and soon the dawn of the turning of the wheel was upon us. New Year’s Eve was approaching, and the Phish run was afoot! Ah yes, MSG. Madison Square Garden. I felt a particularly strong call to it this year, although it had become somewhat of a yearly tradition. If anything could polish my shine and bring me to clarity, it was being with that old crew again. The Slip crew. Captain Ian and Viva, our NYC hosts and unofficial parents for the run, Master Mischief Maker Uday, Prankster Queen Heather, Erin and John, Karen and Sammy, Beth, Sarah, Max, Susan... and so many more. They are my original musical family from long ago. One of the many reasons I love this crew so much is our ability to poke fun at ourselves and at the hilarious truth. To be part of a tribe, yet free, that was always us. In fact a couple of my newer fellow Lost Boy family also appeared from the West and South. Silas, Kai, TideMikey, and Shanks were visiting because Shanks had proposed to Kai in the Vegas Phish Halloween photo contest, and won tickets for all 4 shows for the New Year's run!

Ah yes, Phish, bringing couples together. Phish is also the reason Booty and I came together actually! We met at a Slip show, but the first time we really hung out was at the Lemon Wheel, wandering around those expansive festival grounds when I was just a wee babe of 19. I just remember feeling very calm, safe, and peaceful around him. We barely spoke that day -which is very odd for me! We found a tall hill with a wishing well at the top, all of which (including the hill!) was created as part of an art installation piece, and we just sat there snuggled up next to each other, wordless, feeling complete as we basked in each other's glow. It was as if a jigsaw puzzle had at last come together.

My best friends, Emily-Green and Abby, drove to Maine with me for that epic Lemon Wheel adventure and it was then that Emily and I met Trey Anastasio riding around in a golf cart! Yes, the memories shared with Phish have been very special, magical ones indeed; ones that have shaped my life and brought some of my favorite people into it. That’s what Phish is to me, family.

The New Year’s shows were reflectively on point, symphoniously mirroring the MUCH bigger transformation that was happening in all of us and even out in the world at large. Here is a bit of writing from that night that gives a good glimpse of what was experienced that night:

Healing is performed the same way Phish plays music. Going deep into grooves, into every nuance of profound feeling, lingering even in the distress without fear, holding space right there- deep into every emotion of the moment, and then in holding that space a natural infusing of transformative love, in those lingering grooves, happens! Until it LIFTS... into PURE unprecedented BLISS~~~ The Twist into Piper into the playful Ass Handed to You, back into Piper they performed on New Year’s Eve, showcases beautifully how this alchemy is done, by all who participate in what Phish really is! Musical expansion is alive and vibrant with Phish. I believe this is why they are as huge as they are, because they hold massive Capacity working with LOVE. When our capacity grows, we get handed bigger missions and more beings to help uplift.

The biggest thing that always blows me away with Phish is that even though their shows are such a GRAND scale in these MASSIVE amphitheaters, the experience STILL feels so personal, intimate, so keyed in. The sensitivity of those shamanic musicians to hear, feel, surrender, to be led, to lead, to dance with the dancer as she holds space as we all hold space together, is incredibly so. The love, so tangible.

For their midnight moment on New year’s they had a spectacular dance performance that perfectly mirrored the year that 2016 had been, with all it's interesting losses. They did this by making it rain Giant Cats and Dogs Balloons onto the crowd! It was so fun to be a part of that magic with all our friends and family. Big Boat melodies filled the 3^rd set, mirroring my own journey when alone I hitched my new ride to NeverLand on that ship just months before they released the album. Yes the rain washed away all our sorrows and was the very thing that lead us to the shores of our liberation.

The night had already been won with a Loving Cup encore from the band! The night before was one of the most powerful Phish shows I think I’ve ever been to, resulting in a transcendental Ghost, a You Enjoy Myself, a Tweezer and a reprise ending, just to name a few effects of the hidden healing work at play. So what more could we really have manifested? From all that bliss and perfect synchronization of those shows, we went spilling into the streets glowing.

In the expansive pulse it felt like we had floated from the venue and landed in the soft perfect space of this pimped out mysterious Manhattan Art loft complete with gorgeous paintings and large pictures hanging decadently among the fun inflatables they had brought in for this New Year’s after-party. There was a swing hanging in the middle of the main space, large plated offerings of brownies, decadent New York City Baker’s Dozens Donuts, drinks of all kinds, and a DJ set by our friend Robie, which featured a very energetic “Freedom” by George Michael evolving into a boogie dance party of epic proportions! Our crew was in pure, blissful orbit, together. The real best way to describe it was that it felt like being at the bottom of the sea inside a giant glowing oyster. It was there that I met Andrew.

Empaths

Andrew is the kind of character that keeps life unpredictable, magic, and endlessly entertaining. He stumbled into one of the cozy corner pockets of the loft where I was cozied up in a nook atop a decadent sofa bed talking to a couple that looked like they had stepped through time from a 1920's speakeasy! His eyes lit up as he made a bee line for my glow. In energy he was the softest of teddy bears, a child, a lost boy himself. I recognized it INSTANTLY in him. His playful sarcasm had him stumbling to the bed I was laying on and he put his hands around my neck as if to strangle me for a moment! I got his humor right away and was not abashed by his familiarity. He lay down next to me, as if wanting to make out with me, still in character for comedic value. Now, there’s nothing I love more than ingenious uninhibited humor! But, instead of responding to his entertaining antics I dove right in speaking straight to what I knew his heart really needed to hear. I could tell. Beyond all the antics his heart was screaming out. I knew Exactly what I was meant to tell him. I told him about all our gifts, and how so often all it takes is someone truly seeing us, to open us to them. How the most tormented of us become so, because the vision we hold differs so greatly from the outer world. He INSTANTLY switched modes, he melted into a puddle of love, revealing his true self. I spoke to him with the tenderness of a mother retaining the honesty of a child, and we talked for 20 minutes absorbed in pure connection, exchanging our dreams. It was absolute Soul-brother-at-first-sight, sweetness. I understood then that the purpose of me being there that night was 3 fold:

To bask in the re-plenishing familial bond that Phish had been a catalyst to.
To help me understand how strong I had become as healer.
To meet Andrew.

Andrew is one of those savvy souls, like so many of us, that gets bored. He has such a rich and creative inner world that he often feels frustrated and disappointed that the reality around him falls flat. Perhaps if you the reader, have made it this far, you can relate. We all long for the more beautiful and dynamic world our hearts know is possible, and once we have tasted the fruit of what IS possible, on the side of that mountain, it really is hard to settle for anything less. I saw it all in an instant in his eyes; that familiar longing for home simultaneous to that ingenious playfulness and sensitivity to the moment.

One pitfall with creative people, is that it's easy to get destructive when we don’t have an exciting creative outlet. This is especially true with very intelligent, savvy, creative souls. Because they have accumulated wisdom and are able to paint such detailed worlds, it is very hard to tell these people when they have become destructive. Arrogance needs to be defeated first. It is essential that it does and is the kindest act of compassion available when someone can deliver this truth to them, that they are spinning out of control and wreaking havoc for themselves, no longer expansively contributing creatively. The only medicine I have learned strong enough to do this for such savvy souls is LOVE, but not the kind of polite love, that says "namaste" and runs away. No, it's the kind of true love that is BRAVE beyond measure, honest, delivering truth and then sits with you by holding space for the person until they arrive on their own to the pathway we've opened for them, never waivering, pulling them out of that stream of destruction, back to expansiveness.

The most exciting part of all is discovering that the purpose of tasting the fruit of what is possible, on that mountainside, and in experiencing that expansive vantage point, is so WE can bring that fruit down to the lowest of valleys of Earth, planting its seeds.

It's almost like hearing something that doesn't quite exist yet, or searching to read about something that hasn't quite been written, and it driving us crazy until finally discovering that it's because WE are meant to write it!

The ability to feel everything, isn't so that we get tossed in a tornado of emotions, but rather so that we can go deep into every nuance of emotional frequency so that we can perform the alchemy of lifting moods of entire environments with healing, art, and expression, for the benefit of enriching the world.

Later in the weeks that followed, I learned just how brilliant Andrew was with his creative and clever short films, and how deep his empathic gifts were. We stay in touch encouraging each other. I love meeting people on the brink, on the crux of cracking through some brilliant process whereby they are hatching the capacity to be able to control the gifts that have been handed to them, learning to wield the weight of them! It is amazing to behold someone's journey in discovering that their longing all along served to open their gifts. It mirrored my own journey and longing.

A note for people, or parents of children, labeled as "sensitive":

If you have ever suddenly felt anxiety, sadness, fear, and insecurity for no aparant reason, it could be that you are absorbing the vibration of the people around you like a sponge. You may be a sensitive empath who feels these energy shifts and is able to resonate deeply there, like a chameleon. You have this gift for a reason, and it's not to torture you because you are "too sensitive." When empaths learn how to stay anchored to their center, they learn that they are meant to match a person or environment's vibration in any caliber of their subtle sufferings, go there, but then pull them out of their suffering by creating a pathway. This actually teaches others on an energetic level how to lift themselves out of their suffering by showing them how to forge a path to joy! You are a healer! Congratulations.

How is this done? Learn to recognize that it is not your own anxiety, fear, etc that has washed over you. This is how you detach from owning those vibrations while still allowing yourself to resonate there. You can then stay centered and empowered in your own vibration of bliss, confidence, freedom, and joy, and can then lift others to match yours by oscilating between the two vibrations, continuously returning to yours! This makes the pathway. This works even with a whole room and is quite powerful!

*It comes off as "over-sensitivity" or "fragility" to the parent who hasn't learned that this is their child's gift and that they must help their child control their gift by helping them fortify their sense of true self -with "compassion education", love, affection, and empowerment of their confidence. These souls can get overwhelmed with the amount of information they are letting in all the time. They are an emotional sponge. The home environment needs to be peaceful, reassuring, and compassionate one for these souls to decompress at home and to build up their foundation of reserves. If this does not occur as a child, it can take longer in adulthood to control and put to good use these healing gifts. An addiction to narcissists can be a common by-product of this gift not being properly nourished as a child, until they understand how their gifts really serve. In the words of many empaths before me, "we are no longer saving people, as this builds toxic mutual dependencies, we are holding space for them to save themselves."

After that incredible New Year’s weekend where family old and new connected, in merriment, in tears, in bliss, shared struggle, resilience and love, I understood that I was able to do something I have never been able to do before with a multi-day music run. I held on to my center the entire time. Even late at night when tired, even in the social dynamics that often used to leave me feeling diminished and awkward, there I was presently working, luminous and glowing. I had developed the capacity to nourish myself with sustaining longevity. This was a triumph of massive proportions! I had made a dedicated intention to start healing this part of me that was being thrown off by all things music, and the seed had started to bloom! What helped tremendously was faith that I could not fail, sincerely encouraging others (even WHILE processing my own journey), and a devoted level of self care. Each morning I did my practice. No matter how much my body longed to stay snuggled and sleeping in the warmth of the beds our gracious NYC hosts provided us, no matter how many excuses my mind could weave into not doing the work, I made my ass get up.

My Center

With repetition of habit, after a while, the call of Light becomes so strong, all you can do is follow it. (some days it's difficult but you do it anyway!) Without fail, I arose each morning; walked anywhere from 5-10 blocks and learned from the Master teachers New York City's best had to offer. The Dharma Mittra Center was one such place where I enriched my practice, with a workshop on ancient pranayama breath technique and how to expand psychic powers with 3,000 year old Aryuvedic techniques from 78 year young Sri Dharma Mitra himself. Very powerful stuff! Yoga Nidra was another workshop I took from him, which taught us how to get the equivalent of 6 hours of sleep in just 1 hour of purposeful and focused relaxation technique. Needed it! Nailed it, felt invigorated after all that late night music! There also is nothing like being independant in New York City's playground, adventuring in the streets! And there is certainly nothing like grabbing some of the best authentic Indian food right after an authentic Indian style Yoga practice!

The Soka Gakki International, Nichiren Buddhist Cultural Center, in Union Square, was where I spent New Year’s Day chanting strong "Gongyo" for World Peace.

This Bodhisvatta practice has been the true bastion of my fortitude. "Gongyo" consists of the daily practice of chanting the words Shakyamuni Buddha inscribed as his last teaching in the Lotus Sutra. “Nam Myoho Renge Kyo~” We also recite the Expedient Means (Chapter 2) and The Life Span (Chapter 16) of the Lotus Sutra where the nature of cause and effect and how to transform them, is revealed, as well as the nature of time and space existing in a single moment of life. Chanting Gongyo seems dauntingly long at first, but it is amazing how this changes, in no time the words come through effortlessly. These chapters along with chanting "Nam Myoho Renge Kyo" are the Lion's Roar vibration that aligns every molecule of one’s body with the Macrocosm of infinite potential. In this way we call forth and embody "Buddha Nature." The trajectory of a Buddha is one who can transform all sufferings and problems from within daily life with ease. The life of a Buddha is a joyful struggle resulting in, for lack of a better word, "healing for all!" It is corruption proof because this capacity can only be unlocked through strong faith and the DEEP desire to enable all others to attain the same! How wonderful is that?

This knowledge however was locked away from humanity under the control of the Buddhist priesthood for centuries, until a very studied and well practiced 12th century monk by the name of Nichiren Daishonin came to fully understand and act upon the very words Shakyamuni wrote in the Lotus Sutra. The message couldn't be clearer that this final teaching was for humanity to access fully. This wisdom gave the key of how anyone (even women imagine that! radical for the time) can unlock Buddhahood in our present form right from within this "Jambudvipa world"- and it was to be "spread far and wide"! This initiative led by Nichiren, of course was very threatening to those in control at that time (and even now!) He faced horrible persecution, was exiled again and again from the priesthood, was sentenced to be beheaded when Haley's Comet spooked his executioners! And so was sentenced to live on the remote, freezing Sado Island instead!

Despite this, he overcame every abuse, transforming every single harsh circumstance. Still he persisted further, dedicating all of his life to this joyful struggle, along with others who joined him, protecting this teaching by expounding it broadly for humanity! They did this by putting to use the "Mystic Law's" wisdom revealed in this Lotus Sutra! The result was exponential, continuous triumph through this dedicated commitment!

Thus, Nichiren and the other ordinary men and women who joined him, fulfilled Shakyamuni's prophecy depicted in the Sutra itself of how in the "Latter Day of the Law" it would not be the current Bodhisvattas of the 2 vehicles (priests) of Shakyamuni's time... but ordinary humans who would awaken and become the "Bodhisvattas Emerging right from within the Earth," and would expound this one vehicle teaching to bring about Peace and Tranquility across the land! In fact even present day SGI Nichiren Buddhism, with its 12 million practitioners in 192 countries, has broken away from all priesthoods who seek control over the people, and is an organization of everyday determined individuals sharing joyful, unifying vision for World Peace through active personal human revolution! This is what "Living Buddhism" means.

It was in this way, on just 3 hours of sleep, that I participated in the New Year's Day World Peace Prayer Gongyo with tremedous and joyful capacity. What high life state I felt being among this community of determined and compassionate beings! The practice invigorated me even more, it was powerful beyond measure. The many rooms in the glorious sunlit space overflowed with diverse practitioners of every age, shape, size, nationality, and color, buzzing like the hive of 10,000 bees perched atop a thousand-petaled Lotus Flower in full bloom. SGI is the home of the Bodhisvattas of the Earth who make manifest world peace and join with all the protective forces of the universe.

*I have formally studied philosophy in wonderful schools and for many years after, pouring myself into every type of wisdom from Existentialism to Plato, the Yoga Sutras of Pantanjali to Vedantic and Mahayana texts. I have travelled the world in my quest for wisdom, studying with master teachers, swamis, gurus, and Brahmacharis. I have completed trainings in India at the Sivananda Schools in Karma, Raja, Jnana, and Bhakti Yoga, as well as trainings in the US and Canada. It is without a doubt SGI's Nichiren Buddhism alone that has been successful in satisfying all my questions, reinforcing what I have always believed was truth, and has unlocked a rich "Treasure Tower" of my life's infinite happiness and powers. It is a practice available to all who seek this.

Man-Cruise?

Booty had gotten himself a spot on the ship months ago, and was trying to get me to share his spot with him. This was a ship which would house a magical music festival called "Jam Cruise," a journey I have made once before. With no call to my heart in sight, however, I had refused to even entertain such a notion. At that time my response was, “Go on Man-Cruise? Why? So I could feel diminished? No, no, No. Not me. Hidden Figures to send men into space no more!” I was cranky, arrogant, and bitter. You see, it was Peter’s Ship and back when Booty was trying to persuade me, I still hadn't begun this sincere journey.

Then, through my dedicated struggle, something cracked open for me at New Year’s and I became strong, capable, and buzzing in my power. It was then that I got the genuine call, and it was a MIGHTY one. The tiny seed I had planted to fully heal this part of me had apparently blossomed and come to fruition. It was time to forge a new story. I wasn't scared because I knew now that I was strong enough to maintain my center, and that my life state was expansive enough that I could transform any lingering poison to medicine.

I then remembered something interesting about being on a Ship that took a Taurus like me some time to figure out. When you are on a boat there is no way to tap into the Earth's energy, to "ground". You’re on a boat! Energetically it's an interesting thing. You can't repair in the same way you do on land. I have learned that when we summon up energy to send healing through time and space, with music, there is a very real need to pause with intention to replenish or "GROUND" our bodies from all that energy raised. After every great release,there is a necessity to nourish ourselves, to repair and fortify our "Wei Chi." Some have perfected the ability to do this AS they are doing the work, simultaneous to it, but if we don’t take a moment to nourish ourselves, we can get thrown off our center, and it can even be dangerous. This adds another layer of training and conditioning to the already marathon-like back drop that is Jam Cruise!

Learning to replenish, alone takes time. Yoga taught me this. For every pose, a counter pose; for every expansive expression, a contractive one; for every effort, restoration. It’s Balance. Yolking of opposites. I have been taught that; as all beings who house both divine masculine and divine feminine energy, we are powerhouses. And the Divine Feminine is the regenerative energy within all of us that helps us restore. One might wonder why we need the help of the Ocean or Earth to replenish us at all! We don't really, since we are a microcosm of the macrocosm and house all within ourselves. However, I have found that the vastly abundant energy currents of the Earth and Ocean help us regenerate so much more rapidly because that's just what the Earth, Sun, and Ocean is, it is a pure life-giving force of love embodied, and it feeds us. Nature is vastly energetically nourishing, and gratitude opens the door to that love. People who give a lot, who are just learning to weild their gifts, experience this loss of "grounding" all the time, there is even a term called "compassion fatigue." They are not yet able to identify the cause or remedy. Without the ability to pause, listen, and retreat into the womb of that female energy, both within ourseves and around us, we cannot keep going in a sustainable way. In feeding others we must also know how to properly receive. Sometimes when we are wielding tremendous energy on empty, we can become like I have been known to, a tempest. And yes, this effects the weather when contagious vibrations and moods are strong enough! The clouds are water-in-the-sky-mirrors reflecting the energy all around. In the ocean, this is especially so, with water everywhere!

I remembered that for me, gratitude and surrendering was key. Picturing the Ocean nourishing all the vast billions of life forms who dance in her ebb and flow worked well to open my heart. I allowed my focused and deep belly-breathing to take me into the fold of that rocking pulse, like a baby returning to its mother restoring every molecule of my beingness with love. In melting with that pulse, I was fed. Somehow that seemed to work the same way “grounding" does to retain and fortify my center. It's an important subtle difference, and one that definately required intention. But once practiced, can allow for an endless abundance of giving which seemed even more fluid than on land!If we are to do healing work at sea, it is especially essential to earn our self-care sea legs! So, this is why some slight re-programming is needed for energy-weilding, 2 legged shamans at sea!

Keeping this in mind, I knew I was ready. There was only 1 week left before the last name changes could be made for cabins, they were completely sold out, and Booty had found a cabin mate months ago, but I did not worry one bit. I KNEW with every ounce of my being that by just showing up present for the call, it would all come to fruition, so yet again I stuck out my Hitchiker’s Magic Thumb and howled my Mama Moon Wolf howl, and once again a Big Boat came through and picked me up!

Chapter 4

Jam Cruise!

It was Dibs that made the physical gears turn into motion! Dibs is the partner of one of my nearest and dearest sisters, Rosie. Dibs had just heard the call himself, and although being a “lifer” on the boat (I think “Lifer” means having been on 13 distinct voyages) he had no idea he was coming until just that morning! He was planning on missing it this year, but life had other plans for us. In fact, there were several of us that didn’t get the "call" till that day. At first just Dibs and I were set to share the cabin, but I reached out to Rosie, knowing that of course she was meant to be with us! “Threesome,” we joked, as she indeed jumped on board! Meanwhile Booty had given his spot long ago to a new friend named Travis. We joked the entire time, because he and Travis had the tidiest cabin ever, while Dibs, Rosie, and my cabin was littered in sequence tutus, kimono robes, furry hats, and an explosion of capes, potions, and magic tinctures! This was funny because at home I am the neat freak, and he is known to be the messy one, so he had great fun teasing me! It was also fun for us to pretend like we were “dating” again, visiting each other’s apartments!

Another incredible benefit that came from all this, is that while I was sticking my inter-galactic thumb out, a new friend responded, Alyssa. She offered me a spot in her cabin just after Dibs had gotten ours set, so I ended up helping our brother Silas out. Silas had also just felt called, but was feeling discouraged since it was truly down to the wire. I urged him to have faith, telling him it was destined for all us lost boys to be on together. Indeed we were! So now Kai (who had originally urged me at New Year's to come), Shanks, Silas, Dibs, Rosie, and Booty would all be sailing with me! It was ship-shaping-up to be the MOST spectacular sea-worthy crew ever!
Having a core group of home town pranksters on that Big Boat was certainly a new experience for Booty and I. The first year we went, most of the people we knew were performing, so it was a truly wonderful thing to experience with so many professional Mischief Makers who we knew and loved!

Lady Cruise!

Yes, yes indeed. I don’t know if it was the fact that the Woman’s March was happening in almost every major city across the United States, due to the “Grab them by the Pussy” orange orangutan’s inauguration, that was incidentally taking place the day our Ship set sail, or if perhaps it was in part due to a very well received discussion on the “Jamcruisers” forum about "broad"ening our collective palette to encompass the musical genius of just what it is that Women bring to music, but the LADIES of JAMCRUISE absolutely gave New LIFE and dimension to Jam Cruise! “Man-Cruise” no mo!

MANY long-time cruisers agreed that there was a BALANCE of Masculine and Feminine energy this year, like never before. It seemed like the tone was RIPE for the ladies to step out of the shadows and SHINE in a big way- for this festival. More importantly there was SPACE made for them on stages by all the male performers who wanted to share in that energy. The “voice” or perspective that women bring, really offers an enriching supplement and balance to the whole! In truth there were only 10 ladies performing out of what must have been well over 100 men, often working triple-time from being so in-demand. The historically low number of women performers at this festival, compared to others of similar palette, is where this "Man Cruise" nickname has come from. In true prankster fashion, it is playful nicknames like this that help bring light and truth to what needs to be called into awareness, for the benefit of all, so we may continue to expand and grow, collectively changing where there is imbalance. It is less as a disparagement and more of an effective and wonderful way in which we can advance joyfully! This joyful work is never done. We must always improve to stay alive and awake. Diversity ensures survival.

That FORCE, that riveting power that women possess, enriching the sound collective, is indescribable. Once we get a taste, we CRAVE it! When it's not there, we miss it, and it's the not wanting to settle for a lesser experience, that creates the room and a natural balance for women to take a place on a stage.

From the Sail away Turkuaz performance on the first day in which Sammi Garett and Shira Elias sent the Boat off into absolute ORBIT, to the metamorphic cosmic-to-the-max performances by Patrice Quinn from Kamasi Washington, Galactic's Erica Falls, who sent chills down my spine, Kam Franklin of the Sufferers, to drummer Nikki Glaspie's exquisite leadership in her SuperJam featuring the most powerful "Black Man" I have ever heard live, to the many other performances in which women made cameos, debuts, and their mark; I was in absolute heaven!

Patrice specifically. Her GIFTS. I learned so much from watching her WORK not just as an artist, but as a cosmic Musical SHAMAN. And Kamasi’s shamanic saxophone playing as well, was sheer channeling brilliance. Their Martin Luther King tribute they gave in the Star Dust Theatre was another highlight for me. So emotional and powerful and so very right now. Hands down my favorite performances for the entirety of Jam Cruise were the new surprise of the Kamasi sets.

Every performer on Jam Cruise is worthy of countless praise of course. Karl Denson- Masterful. Reed Mathis- Genius. Healing. (More on Reed momentarily). Marco and Joe- Playful, nostalgic, and familial. Motet- Electrifying. Soul Rebels, Galactic, The Original Meters. Such exquisite work. Each performance touched me in different ways. The Hip Abduction was a new treat. The Shook Twins also offered something so different, relevant, fun, and needed. Their angelic voices took on a new form of sheer girl power genius. Empowering is a word I would use to describe this year’s Jam Cruise. Absolutely STUNNING, HEALING, and Relevant WORK from everyone aboard.

But I am not here to coyly review music. I am here for a broader vision in this journey. And it was no longer just my personal journey, it was our collective journey. I couldn’t help but understand that: The MORE I stood TRUE in my center, took time to nourish myself, and didn’t allow myself to get lost in diminishment; the STRONGER the energy of the entire ship became. Music unites us, and when one of us is holding strong in empowerment it is absolutely and undeniably contagious. It was allowing the portal to NeverLand to open to all of us, together. It was drawing us all HOME to it.
That's why there was balance, because we were all empowering together, starving to stretch ourselves fully, finally ready to drop the bullshit oppressive narratives of pompous conditionings and eons of limitations cast on us of separation, unworthiness, classifications, and the undeniable deeply embedded discriminations that we all have been duped by. Dropping these was quintessential for liberation to be real! We shed them all! Sending them into the vibration of light and sound, to be dissolved! And light and sound OBLITERATED them! And it was magnificent to behold. It allowed us to

S T R E T C H and S H I N E unhindered,

stripping us down to our most expansive of true selves!

The more I took time, to linger in self-care and to hold S P A C E in sacred presentness, the more connected I was to everything. I was diligent about this because like I said, it requires a little more intention when on a boat, since grounding is different. It takes strength and courage to break away from friends and from merriment. It takes self-awareness to know when we are running on empty or playing a soundtrack from an old groove. It takes discipline and love to honor all that. Forever we are Oscilating. Oscilla. Ocelot Ocelot where have you gone? We fall from grace, so we simply take a moment to acknowledge and RETURN to wakefullness. Often this means breaking away from the herd. This is why Booty and I are found just as much together as we are apart. For intro/extro creative types (like most of us on the ship) who love to be around people and crave affection and community but ALSO possess a rich inner world that sustains our creative flow, the need to honor this is especially so. The pay-off is a treasure trove beyond measure.

In this way we Lifted off to NeverLand and were floating among the brightest of stars, until all merged into one in that rich black envelop of Expansive Becoming.

Shenanigans!

And the shenanigans of course nourish us too! I couldn’t have asked for more FUN cabin-mates! Dibs is an absolute BUDDHA. Everywhere he and Rosie went they floated, following Grace and Bliss. They both have this tremendous gift of seeing the brilliant light in EVERY single person they encounter! In their sensitivity, wit, and humor, the party was always wherever they went! Dibs has this infectious merriment baked into his personality, where he just brings out a shedding of inhibitions, unlocking everyone around him’s silliness! The way he got his prankster nick-name was that anytime someone new was brought into the fold of our merriment, he would shout out “I call Dibs!” to Rosie and me, winking and pointing at the new friend overtly, making them feel even more loved and accepted, as if he was “calling dibs” on them! Brilliant. It was exquisite and joyful to behold. He taught me a new level of how to be generous with the art of bringing people into friendship through merriment. In respect and appreciation of this, I bought them a couple’s massage during our journey.

Rosie and I have been close family since I was 19, and I could write pages upon pages on just our sweet, sister adventures alone. The Slip, was how we met, and I used to live with her sister, another cosmic goddess of epic proportions! Rosie and I have been on countless road trip adventures across the country in our 20’s together, to "Rainbow Gatherings," music events, healing ceremonies, and even most recently with our ever-expanding Screaming J’s family! In fact, I did write a story about this!

Our cabin cleaning guy, Patrick was among those that Dibs brought into the fold! We tipped Patrick quite well leaving him $20’s, telling him not to even bother cleaning our room most days, encouraging him to come snuggle and hang out with us instead! The entire staff of the ship grew to genuinely love us and have fun with us.

Next door to our cabin, ended up being Michael Suhr and his wife Meghan! Michael is a long time Mischief Maker and friend of mine, as well as Peter’s. It was sheer synchronicity that his cabin was next door to ours. It was very pleasant watching sunsets and sunrises on our balconies next to each other in peaceful moments, as well as musing at the tomfoolery happening in parallel!

Yes the magic of how that ship had become a rich seedbed for creativity, bliss, silliness, and genius, is something one can only understand once experienced. It's like the brilliance of a 5am slow motion kung-fu battle between "Animal" from the muppets and a Russian secret operative, at the buffet! When people ask about how our "cruise" was, I really don't think they have the capacity to conceptualize what this Boat actually is, even if we told them! Yes, Jam cruise fills our hearts with magic, love, HOPE, with merriment and mischief, and if you can hang on to your center enough to really extract every moment of that experience's joy, the wisdom uncharted stays with you for a very, very long time.

The Waterfall

One of the Islands we touched down upon was Jamaica.

Jamaica was all about Booty and I re-forging our connection and devotion to each other. Yes, mushy I know! We had the pleasure of sharing a cab to a waterfall with who we learned mid ride, were the boys from "The Hip Abduction!" What genuine, sweet, wonderful guys. It was perfect. Dawn, our driver, was a Jamaican Mama who tried to make us pay $40 for the short cab ride there and back, or $20 each way. For me the haggle is more the game of respect. So I summoned up what I knew from having grown up in Naples, Italy for ½ of my childhood, that it was all about the “walk away.” I said to her, “No, no, too much” and proceeded to walk away.

Booty knew this game very well by now, having travelled with me all over the world, and although not totally comfortable playing this game himself, he and the boys followed my lead. Of course the second I took my 3^rd step, she said, “Okay, $5 each round-trip.” 50% off! Ha ha! So fun to play. Once we got there, I gave her the full $20 for one-way anyway, paying for the cab for all of us, and said to her, “Go feed yer kids mama!” She laughed, understanding that for us, it wasn't about the money, but about not being made to feel ripped off. I had earned her respect and a hug.

We walked for a bit with our new friends John and Sean from The Hip Abduction just until we got to the actual waterfall, then Booty and I splintered off. Sadly, the waterfall had been turned into somewhat of a circus. Tour guides made use of ushering frightened tourists, who looked more like drowned, trembling poodles, up the rocks which formed the many-layered cascades of the waterfall. They made it into something to conquer, and exploited it with photo-ops and cheesy gimmicks, herding people up it, for no apparent reason. Sigh.

Regardless, Booty and I found a quiet, soulful sunlit spot to sit waist-deep, in one of its majestic, sparkling pools, away from the crowds. What a sweet forever memory we made there. I closed my eyes and pulled my hands into prayer position facing that magnificent waterfall as gravity fell away. I chanted, "Nam Myoho Renge Kyo..." and as I proceeded I saw ACTUAL Light-emanations through my eyelids. I directed a stream of pure concentrated love directly to her through my prayer. It was like pure messages of divine light and rushing sounds of energy were transferring back to me, in my reverence to her. I could now see and hear these through my chanting in our back and forth exchange! She was a POWERFUL mama, with a LOT to say to all who would listen! I’ve had this experience before, sitting in a moving body of water. Many messages come through, with this kind of meditation. So many more than even those which come through music. It’s absolutely divine to truly connect with nature so powerful, to connect with the SOURCE of our life, this sustaining Earth, in all her emanations. Water is powerful at transferring information. When we let ourselves open to nature in gratitude, the wisdom comes pouring through from the Great Mother. Is there really any doubt that pure communication like this is possible from a life source much larger than ours?

Gratitude opens the door of this communion.

Once the messages were done and I sealed the practice with a reverent bow, Booty and I looked lovingly at each other in silence, sunlight streaming through our hair and glistening on the sparkling water all around, with massive grins across our faces we understood wordlessly what this moment was and meant, at our love, at our Life, and how magic it all was.

The waterfall itself overflowed into the most beautiful beach ever!! Fresh water mingled into the ocean. Absolute luscious sexy splendor. Booty and I dove into the sea and held each other, giggling, laughing, in absolute bliss that THIS gets to be our life now! That there are no longer any glass ceilings to limit what we can accomplish and create in the world as we engage in joyful struggle. How grateful we felt. How supported we have been! We took a moment to truly appreciate my amazing parents, who help us so much with our 2 incredible children, who truly LOVE and enjoy them so much, who LIVE to LOVE them. We took a minute to appreciate the way the universe's protective forces have been rallying around us in our joyful struggle this year. How much magic has flowed into our lives with all that I had been through. Now to taste such fruit of this moment was truly revolutionary. Full circle blessings.

The secret for me has been challenging myself, but also releasing the lies that made me believe that there was a cap of how much bliss and joy we were allowed to have, and understanding that Empowering happiness for ourselves and others is symbiotic.

Also, Booty started doing something that has inspired me to do the same, and tell others about. He decided to pick up some side work with the intention that any money generated for this is going to go towards a travel fund. Towards a Merriment fund! He had this idea back when I was struggling with feelings of defeat, before my sincere struggle was waged, and we booked a fairly cheap trip to Iceland with our girls, inspired by Sigur Ros’s movie, Heima. We had decided to shake things up a bit, to help inspire us onwards, because we were feeling stuck. We realized we were tired of spinning around the existential Sisyphean hamster wheel! Old grooves~

“Travel, the new frontier,” as Jake Hollifield of the Screaming J’s stated to us recently. Indeed. It helped set us free to reset our clocks and wake us up! Here’s the video I made of our travels there with our little wolf children. <3

In efforts to address the cost of these endeavors, to remove any perceived blockage or hang up around their expenditures, this side project was born. Brilliant! Is there any surprise that this side work is doing well? Is there any doubt that the universe is conspiring for US ALL to experience our Magnificent LIVES in a way in which we could truly honor them once we toss away all our excuses? Once the resolve is made, the body follows. So there is never a minute that Booty and I are not ACTIVELY engaged in work. We simply don’t stop. Our whole family is this way, we have true JOY in our work, and there is no distinction between play and work, truly.

When we left to head back to our massive Pirate Ship of Bliss, we again bumped into Dawn, our cab driver! Michael Suhr had advised us to stop and grab some Jamaican Jerk Chicken before we got back on the boat. So we did just that. Dawn took us to one of the best Jamaican jerk places around, “Scotchies.” They made their meats right on flat beds of Smokey goodness all stacked up. The PORK was my hands down favorite, sorry vegetarians. We also bought Dawn 1/4 lb of pork jerk, and after a delightful feast with some Bammys and Ginger Beers, we headed back and boarded the boat in pure heaven.

After Booty and I induldged in a snuggle and a short nap in my cabin, we made our way to the pool deck together, but then splintered off, me to do my daily practice on the deck, and Booty to get a good spot for the Motet that was about to send us sailing in pure Funk orbit from Jamaica’s shores. I was still finishing up my practice when the Motet started.

It was then that I realized something really significant. I was more effective doing music energy work, when I stayed on my mat, absorbed in my meditation and practice, than in interacting with the music through dance- as is usually my way with music. Maybe this should have been obvious. But I was undeniably more connected to the music, to each musician, to every single person on the boat, and to the sea itself, by just staying on my mat absorbed in pure connection. When the practice was complete, it somehow continued off my mat and onto the dance floor right in front of the stage, where I caught the last three songs from that vantage point. There always seemed to be an empty spot, as if calling me, to the right of the stage (listener perspective) or as I call it, “Gordon side”. Something about that side has always been my comfort zone when practicing this kind of dance connection. Perhaps there was much more to learn outside that comfort zone.

Brad Barr and I talked on the phone for 20 minutes RIGHT after Jam Cruise about this exact concept. How to take the rich inner world connection we get absorbed in, and sort of take it out into the world, without losing its strength, so that it becomes like a walking, breathing, living meditation. It is, in my experience, difficult but possible. After the last song of the Motet’s I saw Reed from the corner of my eye, immersed and watching the musical connection transpire.

Reed Mathis

Reed and I have known each other for a long time. He used to come to Boston and play his Jacob Fred Jazz Odyssey gigs and it was always as if the JFJO tribe and the Slip tribe would mesh and combine perfectly for these epic shows. He is incredibly brilliant and this Jam Cruise made me only love him more.

Really the moment my reverence for Reed's humility deepened, was the day he left straight from a gig to be with all of us at High Sierra Music Festival for the Slip's reunion show! Something about that just really touched me. I remember seeing him also on the last morning of that High Sierra when we all stayed up till 6 am at the "Pickin Porch"- (a make shift stage in which performers play freely, all night long. Peter and a whole host of other talented Bodhisattva musicians like Bridgette Law, Jay Cobb Anderson, and Willy Tea Taylor tend to hold it down.)

Booty and I had just played kickball in the meadow as the sun was rising, and we were giggling and running with Cleantone to our rental car so that we could catch our flight back to Boston. I was wearing a tail and we were laughing real tears about how I wasn’t TSA ready! We bumped into Reed who was strutting the other direction with a whole gang of magical beings and he got up close to me, smiled big looking right into my soul and said “After this, after what we did here, we can do ANYTHING!” It was simple, but those words of encouragement have kept me going many a time.

Jam Cruise was no different. He approached me after the Motet and asked me to read the invocation he had written that would be the first few minutes of his Electric Beethoven pool deck set!!

“Like tomorrow?” I asked.

“Like in 10 minutes,” he replied!

I scrolled through his phone reading what he wrote and instantly it resonated with me. It was beautiful. It was about how music reflects the nervous systems of the musicians who create it, and how Beethoven’s music is all about a man who LOST EVERYTHING and still he ROSE. He lost his hearing for crying out loud! As a musician can you imagine? And STILL he chose to Love the world. In service of HUMANITY, which is why his music has lasted, because still he chose to turn poison to medicine, to devote his life “in the service of the poor”-Ludwig's words. Reed's message was beautiful.

Reed asked me to read it and said words I will never forget, “You’re the only person I would ever ask to do one of my invocations.”
He reads my writings and he sees me, understands me, and he showed me that he truly saw me in that moment, in all moments, Believing in Me. SO UNBELIEVABLY EMPOWERING. All it takes is someone seeing us to empower our genius. When we are a bit “different” and have an uncompromising heart that has no choice but to march to a different beat, when we are writing for people now and for "150 years in the future," or when we choose to live in both worlds, (the world of becoming, which pushes the edge of the world of being) it is easy to question and to fall into doubt! It is moments like this that truly enable us to go furthur, because in seeing one another, we help fortify the whole.

I of course, ROSE to the challenge and promised him I would do my absolute best. In truth I can only public speak if I think of it as an offering to others, like when fighting pipelines and giving presentations for the purpose of encouragement and education. If I try to look cool I end up falling apart! It’s always been like that.

Their entire performance was absolutely brilliant, honoring the essence of what Beethoven's music is. I would suggest the reader check out all the work of the skillful artists mentioned here. Reed is a genius. What I have always loved about his music and the brilliant musicians he plays with, is that they “play the moment," above all else. Whether the moment takes them into uncertainty or to blissful heights, they honor what is true! With Beethoven’s compositions as the back bone and foundation to build upon, this music is a dynamic experience, which interactively draws upon the audience's participation on both an energetic and physical level. In so many ways it is avant-garde jazz! In its purest essence, that is exactly what Beethoven's music is.

In truth, I wasn’t going to write a story after Jam Cruise this year, but it was the message of Reed's invocation about RESILIENCE and the encouraging words of a few supporters who I met on the boat, who have read my blogs and approached me, asking me about my process, and telling me they were looking forward to reading this year’s journey, that inspired me to do it.

”Do you take notes?” Was a question I was asked a couple times by people.

No, never, only in my heart. It’s not a linear journey, it’s expansive.

I questioned myself about how I could write about something so vulnerable, such a personal transformative journey, while also honoring all involved with integrity and due diligence. Writing about anything other than what is really going on, is not a choice for me. But I realized that it is these honest stories about deep transformation that have the most power to uplift others.
So I write this as an offering for people to find meaning in this process, as I move through life the only way I can, with this heart of mine. Thank you Reed for seeing me, it has encouraged me to give deeper <3

Chapter 5

Peter

After that BOOST from Reed Mathis I felt invincibly capable and knew that it would soon be time to resolve my unfinished business. I saw Peter briefly at the Shook Twins set. Those girls had me in pure ballerina orbit. It was really sweet actually because when they started their set singing soft acoustic songs, there was no one on the dance floor in front of them. Shanks, Kai, Silas, Booty, and a bunch of us lost boys were sitting in the pews further back. We looked at each other and nearly wordlessly we all moved up and sat on the floor at their feet. As soon as we did this, it was like it gave permission for many others to do the same! Nearly the entire room joined us, filling in the whole space of the dance floor in one giant, warm, and fuzzy puddle! Their voices were like having heavenly silk caress your soul! When the fellas from the Brothers Comatose joined the Shook Twins and things took the direction of liveliness, up we danced and twirled, helping to bring the energy of the space right up! Peter joined them for a beautiful song at one point. They finished their set with everything from Whitney Houston covers to some hip-hop mash ups! It was truly a dynamic and fun Girl power set.

On the last night Booty was more awake and alert than I had seen him in a long time. Pure Booty Bliss! We even sang a song together on BarBQue night at the Buffet! It was a sweet Guitar-a-Laele version of “Messy Mama’s BarBQue,” from our family’s all-time favorite lost Jim Henson Movie, “Emmet Otter’s Jugband Christmas!” We had a lot of fun that night running around. Later in the Atrium Booty and Garret Sayers, bass player for the Motet, re-connected. He is a very dear friend of ours from our Boston days,They spoke a while as I watched a beautiful set Lebo and Friends did, but eventually Garret’s wife, Courtney, and I went to the Stardust Theatre to check out the Original Meters. Almost like magic, Rosie and Phrazz appeared. Phrazz is another old friend from the Boston days and an amazing photographer. It was an endearing reunion. We danced hard and were witness to a very sweet anniversary dedication that George Porter gave to his wife, Ara Hawkins. The lady love on the boat was alive electric indeed!

Bernie to the Rescue!

After the Meters was a Jazz medley back in the Atrium, featuring Garret and the Women from Turkuaz, which had Booty and I front and center dancing. It was during that absolutely spectacular jazz medley that I saw Bernie Sanders! I had danced my way up the spiral staircase for more room to let loose and there he was, tucked away in a corner behind a large pillar. I remembered seeing him for the safety drill the first day we were all on the boat, wearing an orange life vest! Apparently my friend Stebir’s buddy, August, had snuck him on the ship! Shenanigans. My reaction to seeing him at that safety drill was the same as it was right in that moment. It was like seeing the Pope St Francis, or the Dalai Lama!
“Awwwwwww Beerrrrrrrrnnnnniiiiieeeeee!” Those words filled with SHEER Love and Joy escaped me completely of their own volition.
Adorable and paternal Bernie Sanders, my hero of heroes! My heart soared with Delight! He looked forgotten and alone though. I said out loud to no one in particular, “No One Puts Bernie in the Corner!!”

I marched over to him, pulled him out from behind that pillar, and ballroom danced with him down the stairs. Cheek-to-cheek, I gazed at him in absolute reverence in an overly exaggerated way, for the perfect and tender comedic value. Well, he was a huge hit! At least 20 people stopped to take pictures with him, kiss him, and thank him for his service, some even putting boas, hats, and stickers on him! Eventually I tied my heroes cape onto him. I must say Bernie made off with my treasured and beloved heroes cape that night! But who better deserves it really? After all he has done to empower us all this year! I was happy it went to him. It was perfect. After the Jazz medley was over, it was quite late and Booty had decided to go to bed, to rest for our departure the next day. “Okay Bernie, it’s just you and me!” I told him.

The time had arrived to go see Peter. He was at a spot on the boat called, well, "The Spot." It was like the "Pickin Porch" of Jam Curise where Peter holds space for music to flourish all night long and into the new day. With Bernie’s energy welling up in me, I was emboldened, I could do anything! It was time to transform narrative. But first I decided to, you know, scope it out and make sure it was safe, for Bernie! He told me he would wait for me and would hang out in the Atrium with all of his people. I made my way to the "Spot" where Peter would surely be serenading the stars with his stories and beautiful songs of awakening.

When I arrived, the morale of the dedicated crew seemed a little low, to be honest, but that is the nature of the ebbs and flows of an all night affair. I came RADIANT, dancing, spinning on a cloud bringing new energy to flow to them. It was indeed "safe for Bernie" and I even felt very welcome. “Here we go!” I heard Peter say happily when he saw me dancing. It warmed my heart! I could tell he felt the radiant energy I had to give. The song choices were perfectly reflective of each moment and energetic exchange between everyone there. I danced, exuding contagious JOY. “Morning in New Orleans,” “Summer of my Fall,” a very fun “Yeah-yeahy,” which we sang together and has always been one of my favorites of his.

Aly, Peter’s manager of sorts, (if there could ever be such a thing with Peter!) was there also basking in the beautiful glow. She is a luminous fairy with ethereal energy and a rich inner world, another sensitive empath whose life has winded with my own for a very long time. As Booty put it, “She is just so us," so darn familial. We had bonded over the course of this particular journey, I gave her lifts of energy whenever needed.

When we saw each other we both kind of sprang into action during a song, transforming the environment with what was needed. We arranged loungers into seating areas so people could sit closer and hear better. It was hard to hear in truth. I think it was because the spot chosen was RIGHT outside the Stardust Theatre. Many people who had no interest in hearing beautiful acoustic music ended up spilling over from the Stardust to chat loudly with their friends. This was one reason Peter’s beautiful voice was hoarse, singing up the sun each night over the noisy festivities. I couldn't help myself, I asked him if I could bring him tea with lemon and honey, but instead Aly and I were directed towards a very different mission, for more booze... We ran down to a staff room and picked up bottles of scotch and beer, wine and whiskey, and water and soft drinks for the entire weary pirate brigade! There was plenty for all; worshippers, wanderers, lovers of leaving.

When we came back with the goods they were all overjoyed, but then I quickly disappeared again. (I snuck off to go grab Bernie to tell him it was safe!!) He was there in the Atrium right where he promised he’d be, waiting for me. Good ol reliable Bernie! I made a big comical show of hiding myself behind his cut-out when I arrived back at the Spot, so it truly looked like Bernie had just waltzed right through the sliding doors and was dancing! I used my arms as if they were Bernie’s, to point at Peter and the other musicians giving them a giant thumbs up, and an “I want you!” Uncle Sam kind of motion! Peter lit up and was just so delighted to see Bernie, a truly happy boy, as he loves Bernie as much as I do! As much as so many of us there who are inspired by him so! I then shot up the peace symbol and everyone cheered! Peter came over to see who it was controlling Bernie. “Oh. It’s you.” He said, somewhat surprised. He seemed pleasantly confused!

It seemed that I still had an uncontrollable and deep desire to make Peter happy, to make him proud, to even serve him. Perhaps I will always long to make a world that doesn't fall flat of the rich and vast vision that Peter holds, of what is possible. It makes me feel so happy to bring him even a fraction of the magic he has filled all our hearts with. I can't explain it, but when I feel his disappointment, it just kills me. He always seems so disappointed when people aren't listening to the messages woven and riddled in the music, or when people fall, killing the art all around, talking loudly or being careless. I questioned whether I was falling back into needing his validation, relying too much on being, existing for another's happiness, as is the pitfall of empaths, but this felt different. I was so strong and whole. What felt good and different was that the vulnerability I felt in this moment, was not of the diminishment variety, it was instead... endearing. It was pure. I was “Clear as a Bell,” as he would have said. My tremendous faith could carry us. All of us. I had planted this expansive trajectory of healing. I was determined. It could not fail. It was so powerful and I was SO anchored to NeverLand. I had the Mystic Law, how could I possibly fail.

Soon with this reaffirming of my conviction “Boat Man!” took on new meaning. The crew performed it hourly with Bernie Sanders at the Helm. As “Boat Man Set me free!!” rang out, some even sang it “Bern Man set me free!” Merry Makers of all kinds took turns animating and embodying Bernie!

The night proceeded in pure Bliss! Both the Shook Twins, Jesse Harper from Love Cannon, Stretch Barrington, Gailanne Amundsen, Colby Pegg Joplin (who I dubbed thee adorable prankster name, “Little Spoon” ) Ethan Hawkins, and Mitch Manzella, were just a few of the whole host of angels presently holding space with Peter. I was so happy Peter had brought Gailanne, Colby, and some of the others on board. At one point when I was streaming some love into Little Spoon with a soulful spinal alignment, Peter looked over and said to him, "You are in very capable hands!" It warmed my heart and affirmed my knowing that I was successfully overcoming any imbalance between us, that I was creating the resolve I needed with Peter, born from the space I had created for myself to heal.

It was my first time meeting this new fiddle-playing, singing angel Gailanne, and we instantly bonded. She was actually a facilitator for me at one point for something I had truly needed, unbeknownst to her. That morning I knew that this would be an important night, one in which I would need to create a HIGH life state for. I needed not 1 but 2 practices that day. So while I was setting my intentions, aligning with my Buddha nature that morning, I determined to somehow make a late afternoon practice happen as well.

Later that day, Gailanne saw me right as I had just finished swimming. I was enjoying the last warm rays of sun I would feel for a while, letting the warm glow kiss me as I would be returning to frosty New England the next day, and it was January. She was heading to the scheduled yoga class. Now, I don’t typically take classes from anyone but master teachers. I say this with every ounce of respect and love possible. I have come very far with my practices and the best connection for me is simply on my own, when masters are not available, doing a VERY different practice than what is taught in a typical flow yoga class. So I never would have gone to this class, but not for Gailanne. She told me that "Stretch Barrington" was the live musical accompaniment for the class and that she might sing or play with him if the moment was right. Mostly, it was out of the sheer amusement of taking a yoga class where a person named “Stretch” was performing, that I followed her to class!
This was also the perfect synchronization of the trajectory I had planted, and I have learned to recognize these moments with grace and gratitude, by surrendering to them. In fact, I have noticed that the people that seem to appear like angels, to escort us into the manifested trajectory we plant, are very special Bodhis indeed! They are like the upholders and protectors of the votaries of the Mystic Law... I walked in and approached the teacher in reverence telling her that I would be needing to modify my practice if I were to take the class. She was fine with that and by the end of the class I started releasing sighs and sound vibrations of sheer yorgasmic bliss! It was just what I needed. The rest of the class must have thought that sounded pretty good, because it started a symphony of sound release! I thanked and hugging the teacher at the end, and Gailanne and I talked and connected a while after class. Gailanne is a PROFOUND young woman just coming to terms with stepping into the POWER of her GIFTS.

Little Spoon felt the same in many ways. Peter sure does have a GIFT for helping those on the BRINK of Genius by propelling them on their way. I think this is the reason why so many strong ones are drawn to him. I’ve seen him do this with Fruition, The Shook Twins, and so many others that have experienced MASSIVE expansion in their gifts very quickly. My gifts have always been similar in terms of feeding empowerment to foster greatness in others.

That night in my LIONESS, MAMA WOLF fortitude, from the down trodden lone drifters on the outskirts, to the brightest of stars whom I polished to render EVEN more Brilliant and Resplendent; I fed them all. So much. LOVE. I can’t explain it, but just by gazing deep and lovingly into another’s eyes in a way in which you truly SEE them, lending them an ear, in a way in which you can HEAR THEM, their eyes get SPARKLIER enabling their SHINE, and their voices become Resounding, emboldening their most INFINITE Potential. Then, by actively fusing with their vibration and sending a stream of love and empowerment to them, they come forth STRONG, stepping right into the power you have held S P A C E to open up for them. It then wells up from within themselves, which then uplifts all present, because it’s done through LOVE’S UNIFYING GRACE. It’s like a summoning of wisdom and a drawing forth of brilliance in which one can shine through EVERY PERSON. That is my gift.

Peter's is similar but it's almost like he keeps people hungry to bring their gifts out. His way is like a holding of a bar for one to rise towards...

LOVE

I met another on the Pearl who shared my same gift, and he showed up RIGHT at that moment, another manifested angel, upholder and protector of votaries. He always seemed to just appear right when we needed each other. It’s the strangest thing, the only way I can describe it is that we fed each other. I have never felt more amplification of my gifts with another human being before in my entire life. I always think of people's energy as being like musical engrams. Some notes amplify each other's frequency in their resonance. Some seem to complete each other. But this was different. It was both somehow. I don’t know his name, and can only say that for the second time in my life, a person left me perfectly speechless and full to overflowing.

Usually I recharge myself. I give a LOT. And so I need a LOT. More than most could give me, so I’ve learned through all my various practices to do this for myself. (It is the same for all healers.) It took me SOO long to figure this out! I would always get so mad that whenever I needed friends the most, they never seemed to be able to do anything for me, to be there for me the way I needed them to be, the way I always would for them. When I finally learned to arm myself with an “Art-illary” of brilliant energy artists like acupuncturists, yogi Masters, and eventually Boundless Bodhisvattas; it was LIFE changing. Powerful life givers need other powerful life givers.

This person was such a feeder. He was a man, but the magnitude in which he GAVE to me defied all my previous notions -that only powerful women could feed others to that magnitude! We spoke very little after our first encounter which was a powerful exchange. I was on the pool deck doing a mini centering practice late one night. With merriment happening all around me, he came bounding up the stairs with his beautiful wife like a Shooting star. The two of them were just angels. We locked eyes instantly and he came over to me, sitting inches from my face! We were both the same. He matched me in possessing the Same playfulness, hunger for wisdom, and absolute open-heartedness for learning. We dove DEEP into the most profound questions our souls had for each other's, having the most intimate, beautiful exchange. I taught him about boundlessness of happiness, ripping off glass ceiling limitations, and creating balance within the home life by relinquishing extremism, and he taught me about confidence. On some level, it was like our souls knew that this twin spirit held the key to what we each lacked in wisdom! We talked for a long time.

After that first soulful vocal exchange, he would occasionally just appear throughout the rest of the journey with meticulous timing, and we would sit next to each other wordlessly in absolute perfect trust. It was this perfect trust that allowed something extraordinary to happen. We were giving each other the wisdom of what the other needed through energetic OSMOSIS. Our bodies were absorbing each other’s enlightenment and aligning with the wisdom the other needed, on a molecular level! We were helping re-program each other by meshing with the each other's vibrational wisdom, creating new pathways for each other! While I have certainly done this for others, I have never experienced such a simultaneous transfusion!
He was absorbing the concept of balance and boundlessness from me, and I was absorbing the lesson he had mastered on confidence. We were doing this in such an effortless and natural way, through trust and love. The way it felt when we were together was this strange numbing buzz, I can’t explain it other than to say it was like what noise cancellation must be like, but at the same time it amplified us to overflow capacity! Together we lacked for nothing. One night when I was waning in my strength, I remember him appearing and sitting next to me and I even became PHYSICALLY different, shape-shifted somehow, radiant suddenly in beauty as he invoked confidence in me, creating this pathway for me.
Can you imagine if either of us or our partners were jealous or untrusting? Or if we broke the trust of our sacred partners, Booty and his beautiful wife?! This essential wisdom would have been denied to us. This rich experience which benefited the whole universe would have been lost. How wonderfully we can advance together when we self-examine and stay actively awake in intention and action! It is easy to get confused when we are connecting with so many beautifully open souls, to the core of their beingness. But my experience is that lust is a self-sabotaging gateway to hell. We learn through our mistakes. Lust is also NOTHING compared to the pure vibration of what expansive love is.

When he appeared at the Spot on that last night and sat next to me, we hugged each other with a wordless loving gaze, smiling open-hearted at each other, and leaned next to one another listening to the music, absorbing each other's buzzing alignment. It was then that I felt compelled to tell him. I sat up looking deep into his being and started telling him what I had perceived about his gifts, how he was a feeder of women.

What struck me as odd, is that right as this precious exchange was activating, the song “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” came out of the musicians. It felt off. This was such a departure from what was actually happening in energy, that it could only have been a grave miscalculation, a trigger somehow coming out of someone, but at the same time a wonderful opportunity to infuse love where healing was lacking. Perhaps someone needed what we had. All music and moments are always perfect, and this moment was too, but when we are tuned into every single nuance of mystical implications of everything happening in real time and space as well as the “other side,” the realm of becoming, it becomes incredibly clear when someone has reacted or gotten the wrong idea. I stayed focused on imparting him these truths about how much he was feeding me, and when I was done, I turned my attention to the music, still holding in energy, and being held by, this powerful nurturer. I started singing resoundingly, infusing space with the magnitude of the message I was about to shed, changing one key word, and doing this for all women, everywhere, who cannot.

“Girls Just wanna have LOVE….

That’s all they really Want….

Some LOVEEEEEEE

When the working day is done

Girls they wanna have LOVE

Some boys take a beautiful girl

And hide her away from the rest of the world..

I want to be the one to walk in the SUN

Oh girls they wanna have LOVE

I invoked both horrible images of misogyny from around the world as well as the most empowering visuals of said images TRANSFORMING. In that space I sent LOVE, FREEDOM, and RESPECT to infuse into all women. I held the intention of a BILLION MEN being birthed who can respect, nourish, and love the way in which I was being FED and nourished in that very moment. I held space in the land of Being so that the Land of Becoming could be DRAWN to actualize and manifest such reality. I held space so that WOMEN can have the LOVE and FREEDOM they deserve in all moments, and in all places.

We performed the alchemy of love. I was so glad for the shade, so it could be addressed and transformed for all, bringing us all back to balance and truth. It helped me too. It was powerful and re-unifying.

*Note: Rereading this one year later-I am amazed at the words "me too" here. I am a firm believer, and as such, I don't doubt this powerful healing that was seeded in this moment on the boat in January of 2017... when just 9 months later the "Me too" movement has transformed and taken the world by storm, exposing the abusers, and fostering a shift in consciousness for women's rights. Powerful.

After my new healer friend and his beautiful wife had left for bed we began to sang our ship right into port! Once we arrived we sang the most beautiful and dramatically danced, sang, and activating Star Spangled Banner I have ever heard! With emphasis on “The LAND of the FREE" (making heart expanding gestures) and the "HOME of the BRAVE" (flexing our intergalactic biceps)! In that Healing rendition, we were freeing ourselves in our homeland. We opened the gate for us to be able to continue this work always in all ways, wherever we go in that realm of Being.

Jessie from Love Cannon followed this masterfully with a Beatles cover, and it was perfect.

"Across the Universe"

Images of broken light, which

Dance before me like a million eyes,

They call me on and on across the universe.

Thoughts meander like a

Restless wind inside a letter box

They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe.

Jai Guru Deva. Om

Nothing's gonna change my world

Nothing's gonna change my world...

Sounds of laughter, shades of life

Are ringing through my opened ears

Inciting and inviting me.

Limitless undying love, which

Shines around me like a million suns,

It calls me on and on across the universe

Jai Guru Deva, Om.

Nothing's gonna change my world

Nothing's gonna change my world...

Jai Guru Deva

Jai Guru Deva...

Then Peter played another heart wrenching, perfect and poignant "leaving song":

...The love that's in your eyes, gotta go, has taken me by surprise, gotta go, I want to stay another night, gotta go...It's like a sweet song ending and I will sing it to the moon, from the moon, down to you…

Well Ive always been this way, gotta go, never could stay, gotta go, there's nothing to say, gotta go, just kiss me just once more baby please and on that kiss I'll ride, gotta go, Get me through the night, gotta go, I think this time I'll cross the seas, gotta go, just kiss me once more baby please, and I will remember it I will sing it some night to the moon, from the moon, down to you...

I'm not looking for someone to have me, gotta go, someone to love me, gotta go, someone to set me free, gotta go, But by the way we fit you'd never know, gotta go, that there was anywhere else to go, gotta go, like the stars fit in the night, gotta go, like two pieces of jigsaw sky, I will remember it I will sing it again some night to the moon, from the moon, to the moon, from the moon, to the moon, from the moon, down to you...Gotta Go; NM

The Sun was being seduced by our beautiful work. We had done it. In my faith The Sun is a symbol of Great Victory over all fears and obstacles. I had conquered them all through the darkness with my Faith. This was significant. I had held space for myself to arrive on the shores of a trajectory of healing in all areas of my life, and I had done it. I felt tremendous resolve and respect between Peter and I.
Right then who should appear but Rosie! My heart melts when I see her loving face. Perfect. My sister. We have such a rich history of Seed~planting~Scheming together, Miraculous~Mischief~Making, Doubtful~Disruption, Cantankerous~Corruption~Cracking, Wildling~Blissful~Transformational~Alchelmal~Shape-Shifting together!! In Reed’s words, there was NOTHING we couldn’t do. Rosie sat down after a tender hug, and wordlessly, without missing a beat, saw all the untouched booze and started making Mimosas for everybody! She seemed to pull the ingredients from pure thin air! She carefully poured out each one, distributing them all. What a great last celebratory drink together! It was a delicious morning treat to toast the triumph of our NeverLand journey of the heart. The sun shone brightly now revealing our weary magical mayhem.

I knew it was time for me to go, happily I had accomplished my goal. But it was always bittersweet, to leave both Peter and that mountain of perfect merriment. I made my way to where Peter broke free and stood watching the sun rise on this new dawn smiling, with hope and sadness all mixed together in those stain glassed eyes of his, the wind sweeping his blonde, wildling-boyish hair gently back. I hugged Peter big, pulled back inches from his sweet loving face, smiled big at him, gazing wordlessly in reverence and I kissed Peter goodbye, sisterly.

Accumulated Treasure of the Heart

A sacred thimble, an acorn cap

This cherished gift

Something just for me
A darling hidden one
To keep me going
A badge of proof
This cherished treasure of the heart

That Bliss. Heaven unhinged. This is what you offer fairy king ~lover of leaving? You paint the very stars with your anthems with colors so bright and bold and new, attracting so many in your wake~ It is true blue. I don't doubt it. You fairy kings that make the mountains SING and radiate in GOLD, turn water to wine, and Whine to water. I know this way inside and out. I know you, I've lived there for so long~ I've slumbered in those stain glassed trees and eaten of the fruit of heaven, and it's not true what they say... except that it is... and so I celebrate you. I am you. To fly with you to those expansive places where realms dissolve. You fill our hearts with dreams...
And how we long to run into those loving arms, to be loved and genuinely taken home forever... it's all any of us wants... to dissolve into becoming... becoming my true form, letting myself stretch becoming STAR DUST ITSELF on your SAILS~ we all long to return to our real home where we remember the capable lions and dragons we are... To ride that floating ship, to embody the infinite Stella Piumata~ To frolic in Neverland to FLY to BE bliss forever...
...You talk of how patient we have been, But I understand my dream now, where I was soaring flying with you~ and still I chose to fly on Earth, with moss on my feet~ because I've heard the lonely wolf howls and looked deep into the eyes of those longing, and I learned that this is how it is done...to serve~ flying the very ship myself!~ ...No longer riding but working here with soles on the ground... taking them all to those expansive realms... And we cross everyday. Through the humility of love... to help those Consolation prizes reveal they are in fact the Prized Constellations shooting past all around us! Being born and dying, as we resurrect ourselves and others to drive the ship themselves! Until one day the sweetest fruit, when they can resurrect us too...
The truest of treasures Nebula of flesh and bone as our blood as our bodies, as they blossom and bloom as the true prize~ And I don't care that you are stubborn, One Who has Acumulated much Wisdom, you are my friend. Blood of my blood. My brother.... i your sister...and i will open the way for you too, repaying my debt of gratitude for pushing me towards birthing myself, Opening the way again every time we fall... We carry each other... And I repay my debt of gratitude to so many capable midwives who have come before me, by opening the way... Until all of the Saha world is transformed into our Neverland dream... There will be a time. And it comes everyday that we choose to love fiercely.. as was whispered to me in my dream, "What is right is right, is never wrong" and to really feel into it is to know its meaning... know how to flow with grace into the path we have created, trusting that we can not fail. We are both married to the sun and moon~
We will always also be fairy kings and queens in all our different forms... While as Bodhisvattas we work with soles on the Earth, as fairy kings and queens we live on the edge of it, creating the blissful Heaven to work towards... Through love that is real we all come together in freedom as one... our dreams become the reality ... So dream on reader, bigger than ever ~ more to paint with and pour into the world evermore~ forever slippery forever oscillating, love on... work with faith we are all captains now, Remember who you are Peter, and remember who you are reader, remember how to make us all fly.

love

transformer of saha
lover of leaving and re-turning
lala child song of the uni-verse

that is me

thank you

I will always remember what he has done. I will never forget it. In setting us all free, we were born. It wasn’t a birth without pain but it has made me forever youthful, forever eternal, boundless, invincibly able to return~

Epilogue

Victory

The jeweled treasure within me shone brightest it ever had. Since first landing on the shores of NeverLand I had accumulated much. For I have learned to sail my ship, and had sailed the mighty seas putting my face right into the storm and I was not afraid.

I sent a goodbye to Rosie into the sky. That has always been our way. I made my way back to Booty and we left that Big Boat. There were no tears, only a strong feeling of accomplishment.

We aren't meant to linger on the mountain or even to long or weep for it, but to take all that wisdom and to walk on the Earth with it, into the lowest of valleys. We get to taste the fruit of the More Beautiful World Our Hearts know is Possible not so that it tortures us when we don’t have it, but so that we know which seeds to plant.

In this world and in all worlds. We play hard in our work, we work hard in our play. We give back to all others, and we make space to nourish ourselves. For we know what is possible, and we use it to empower every single individual we meet. And we especially foster the young. We usher in Young Successors to inherit the joyful struggle so that they may follow and lead, eventually going EVEN further into continuity, than we could have ever dreamed! Opening the way to them taps us into the well spring of the fountain of eternal youth. As all things that come back into being we will also reap the good causes we have sewed by doing so. This is what The simultaneity of cause and effect and the infinite and eternalness in a single moment of time means. Engaging youth fosters young successors! <3Engage youth

I was so pleased that just 1 week after Jam Cruise I was asked to be the speaker in Boston at our Monthly Peace Prayer Day for my Buddhist organization! It was my experience of how I used my vastly compassionate Buddhist practice to make real Legislative change in Massachusetts for the environment! I received a standing ovation! My parents attended along with Booty and my girls, it was so special.

Then as I was leaving a Worcester Buddhist meeting, where I was again asked to share this encouraging experience, I got a call from a woman who had helped me start the “Shrewsbury Diversity Coalition” that we formed a day after the election this year to help foster education and acceptance for all. She was putting together an impromptu day of action, “Standing with our Muslim Neighbors” after she heard about the “Muslim Ban.” So many Muslim families came with signs of love and peace. One woman jumped out of of her car to hug my friend Vikram with real tears in her eyes telling him, “I’m so sorry for what’s happening!” We all shed tears, and Vikram reassured her telling her, “Don’t cry, look how much this has brought us all together, it is beautiful!”

One little boy saw a woman shouting from the window of a car and sadly said, “Mama why is that lady from that car calling me a loser?”
We only smiled at him brightly and told him, “Because she is a lonely bully and she is really suffering. And look how strong and beautiful you are here with so many friends by your side! We must have compassion for her”
I turned and smiled at her, locking eyes, and in her too I drew out her Buddha nature, truly seeing what she could be capable of. I embraced this child all the while looking at her picturing her embracing this child, until her eyes widened as if aware suddenly of what she was saying to a child as she drove away. It was a beautiful event uplifting and incredibly EMPOWERING.

Working in the world

We are seeing so much FAST AWAKENING in parallel to so much rising ignorance because the communication age is forcing us to upgrade quickly to truth. Truth is the more bitter of the 2 medicines (of Love and Truth) and when administered can cause reactions in its purge of ignorance. Truth is ripping off layers of unworthiness and can be very painful to any of us who have identified with those layers for so long. Acts of hostility and even violence are a cry for help which showcases just how much people are hurting in this purge of that which has opressed us. That's where love must come in.

WE are NEEDED more than ever. Let's not waste any time. “Every day we must wake up like a dog!” Let's joyfully do our practice to unlock our own human revolution in parallel to working to transform our environment with love by holding the contagious visuals for ALL to arrive to the trajectory of unity and peace, together! We accompany these visuals with action with every presented opportunity we get.

I kept the Love of Jamcruise going. It felt good to take the high energy from NeverLand and sprinkle it right into Strong Beautiful Bold action! Since then so many incredible actions have come to fruition, including a town wide litter clean up initiative, helping to unite my community even more! We are also currently doing a state wide initiative helping to bridge environmentalists and politicians.

We are one. Stay faithful remembering that even adversity is a blessing as it polishes our shine, testing our ability to draw more into the fold! It requires a constant battle of arrogance to remember that it's not win/lose so it's not about "those awake vs the asleep" etiher. This lie is more of the same oppression we have been fed for too long. The only distinction is that some are more practiced and studied. We ALL HAVE the dignity of the same infinite value and potential, and we all have that which blocks it. So it's about helping eachother by holding space so we align with our most expansive, capable selves, so that our chi can flow to unblock it! We must do this work in symbiosis, there is no superiority. Those more studied and practiced especially have this joyful obligation.

Daisaku Ikeda writes, “A great human revolution in just a single individual will help achieve a change in the destiny of a nation and, further, will enable a change in the destiny of all humankind.” Taking responsibility for transforming our own lives is the first step toward creating a human society based on compassion and respect for the dignity of all people’s lives.

This is LOVE’S Work. We look to the practices and studies that work for unlocking our connection. We look not to the finger pointing at the moon but to the moon itself! Not to the whims of men, or lighthouses, but to the light itself! To the sun and Ocean, to the very pulse, to the Mystic Law that permeates cause and effect within the Macrocosm, to nourish ourselves. We Look to do it for ourselves and for all others, not to impress anyone. We do it for LOVE because nothing is better! And we let our own manifested guides who are Desperate to have us unlock all the abundant LOVE, JOY, Harmony, Abundance, PROTECTION, Health, Success, and Advancement, guide us! We all have this as a birthright. We are ALL Infinitely Capable ~ We can all Win! Together. Thank you so much reader ~~~ We got this!

~~~

I would like to thank Stanley Gemmell for his encouragements, for whom without, this piece may not have been written~

I would also like to thank all the photographers and videographers. You paint these canvases with your inspirational gifts~

The Yoga Of Music

Friday, February 10, 2017

~Lost Boys and Big Boats; The GrowingPains of Becoming a SuperShero~

Chapter 1

Big Boat

Cut Loose

Blog Archive

Friday, February 10, 2017

~Lost Boys and Big Boats; The GrowingPains of Becoming a SuperShero~

Chapter 1 Big Boat

Cut Loose

Blog Archive

Chapter 1

Big Boat